| Re: The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy |
9-Feb-06/6:50 AM |
Wow.
Ever read 'The Thunder, Perfect Mind' (from the Gnostic Gospels)?
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| Re: Faith on a cross by Caducus |
9-Feb-06/6:57 AM |
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A very angry Cohen. Nice.
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| Re: The Wish by celticskatermatt1 |
9-Feb-06/7:01 AM |
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Line two is a bit forced.
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| Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus |
9-Feb-06/7:32 AM |
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As usual, beautifully emotive...certainly a talent of yours!
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| Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus |
9-Feb-06/7:46 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Feb-06/10:46 AM |
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Pretty enough but, not being a parent, I don't get much from this one. However, the rhythm is excellent; you obviously like strong timing in your poetry!
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| Re: Everything That You've Ever Wanted by drnick |
9-Feb-06/1:03 PM |
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If I've interpreted the last 4 lines right (that a life without threat would be incredibly boring) then you have captured one of my deepest beliefs and the last line works marvellously. Perhaps 'Admission of a Dream' would work as a catchier title.
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| Re: Partying Blind by poetry/poem101 |
9-Feb-06/1:14 PM |
What to say about this...well for one thing it's a prose poem. But that's not majorly important. The last 4 lines really want to go...this is a poetry site, after all, and they detract from the end of the story which showed promise. However, it didn't quite live up to the potential it showed; you need to bring out the emotions of the events. I recommend Caducus' work for learning how to write emotive poetry without sounding whiny. Other than that, spelling and grammar, the usual stuff.
As first posts go, it's better than many.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Feb-06/3:20 PM |
I saw the story about Hamza and the hooker; I'm tempted to say it's probably a lie, but he deserves it.
Fantastic poem, by the way!
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| Re: Pastry by Tirapasteles |
9-Feb-06/3:30 PM |
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You'll have to forgive me, but I don't have a clue.
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| Re: writer's block by Zoetrope |
10-Feb-06/6:02 AM |
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Okay...although this is too long for me to read in one sitting (have a lecture shortly) I skim-read it and liked what I saw. I shall return later for a more detailed synopsis.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Feb-06/6:13 AM |
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'Blonde waves' I like, and the final two lines are excellent. I'd like to know a bit more about the woman though, her description is a bit brief at the moment. Maybe two more lines would do it.
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| Re: Moonlight Paradox Riddle Answered by Glasseyez |
10-Feb-06/11:57 AM |
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I guessed the bit about 'I Am' (eimi ei) so can I have a bonus point?
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| Re: In response to by INTRANSIT |
13-Feb-06/4:24 PM |
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All throughout that poem I could hear a distant horn; a ghost of one of your lost kin maybe, or so I thought. Turned out it was my brother playing GTA3 in the next room.
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| Re: A Soldiers Story by Glasseyez |
13-Feb-06/4:29 PM |
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Lines 17-20 = awesome. The rest is good but a little untidy; the rhymes are sometimes forced and grammar could be better, having said that however, I did enjoy reading this and look forward to reading any edits of it.
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| Re: caught amist by LaasChijld |
13-Feb-06/4:33 PM |
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Second line of the last stanza doesn't make sense, a couple of spelling errors but other than that a very respectable effort.
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| Re: stellar by ThePariahDog |
13-Feb-06/4:34 PM |
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In an odd sort of way I really like this...
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| Re: Twenty-Some Years and Five Countries Away by drnick |
14-Feb-06/2:18 AM |
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For genuine apology there ought to be regret, not that I need to apologise for anything here because I love this poem.
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| Re: Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina |
14-Feb-06/2:21 AM |
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'Of what fabric are wishes made?' - perfect.
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| Re: Sonnet for Snow by ecargo |
14-Feb-06/2:24 AM |
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A collection of fantastic lines; not only that but it made me go and find out what 'soughs' means...my learning for the day is done.
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