on Faith on a cross by Caducus
9 Feb 2006, 6:57 AM
A very angry Cohen. Nice.
on The Wish by celticskatermatt1
9 Feb 2006, 7:01 AM
Line two is a bit forced.
on Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus
9 Feb 2006, 7:32 AM
As usual, beautifully emotive...certainly a talent of yours!
on A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus
9 Feb 2006, 7:46 AM
Your finest hour.
on some deleted poem
9 Feb 2006, 10:46 AM
Pretty enough but, not being a parent, I don't get much from this one. However, the rhythm is excellent; you obviously like strong timing in your poetry!
on Everything That You've Ever Wanted by drnick
9 Feb 2006, 1:03 PM
If I've interpreted the last 4 lines right (that a life without threat would be incredibly boring) then you have captured one of my deepest beliefs and the last line works marvellously. Perhaps 'Admission of a Dream' would work as a catchier title.
on Partying Blind by poetry/poem101
9 Feb 2006, 1:14 PM
What to say about this...well for one thing it's a prose poem. But that's not majorly important. The last 4 lines really want to go...this is a poetry site, after all, and they detract from the end of the story which showed promise. However, it didn't quite live up to the potential it showed; you need to bring out the emotions of the events. I recommend Caducus' work for learning how to write emotive poetry without sounding whiny. Other than that, spelling and grammar, the usual stuff.
As first posts go, it's better than many.
As first posts go, it's better than many.
on some deleted poem
9 Feb 2006, 3:20 PM
I saw the story about Hamza and the hooker; I'm tempted to say it's probably a lie, but he deserves it.
Fantastic poem, by the way!
Fantastic poem, by the way!
on Pastry by Tirapasteles
9 Feb 2006, 3:30 PM
You'll have to forgive me, but I don't have a clue.
on writer's block by Zoetrope
10 Feb 2006, 6:02 AM
Okay...although this is too long for me to read in one sitting (have a lecture shortly) I skim-read it and liked what I saw. I shall return later for a more detailed synopsis.
on some deleted poem
10 Feb 2006, 6:13 AM
'Blonde waves' I like, and the final two lines are excellent. I'd like to know a bit more about the woman though, her description is a bit brief at the moment. Maybe two more lines would do it.
on Moonlight Paradox Riddle Answered by Glasseyez
10 Feb 2006, 11:57 AM
I guessed the bit about 'I Am' (eimi ei) so can I have a bonus point?
on In response to by INTRANSIT
13 Feb 2006, 4:24 PM
All throughout that poem I could hear a distant horn; a ghost of one of your lost kin maybe, or so I thought. Turned out it was my brother playing GTA3 in the next room.
on A Soldiers Story by Glasseyez
13 Feb 2006, 4:29 PM
Lines 17-20 = awesome. The rest is good but a little untidy; the rhymes are sometimes forced and grammar could be better, having said that however, I did enjoy reading this and look forward to reading any edits of it.
on caught amist by LaasChijld
13 Feb 2006, 4:33 PM
Second line of the last stanza doesn't make sense, a couple of spelling errors but other than that a very respectable effort.
on stellar by ThePariahDog
13 Feb 2006, 4:34 PM
In an odd sort of way I really like this...
on Twenty-Some Years and Five Countries Away by drnick
14 Feb 2006, 2:18 AM
For genuine apology there ought to be regret, not that I need to apologise for anything here because I love this poem.
on Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina
14 Feb 2006, 2:21 AM
'Of what fabric are wishes made?' - perfect.
on Sonnet for Snow by ecargo
14 Feb 2006, 2:24 AM
A collection of fantastic lines; not only that but it made me go and find out what 'soughs' means...my learning for the day is done.
Ever read 'The Thunder, Perfect Mind' (from the Gnostic Gospels)?