Re: Conditional Sex by scitz	27-Dec-20/3:47 PM
Weak ending, some great characterization (enjoyed all the description of the palsied old lady- well done!)
Re: The Secrets Of Men by scitz	27-Dec-20/3:44 PM
Used rhyme inconsistently, which weakens the poem. Some good lines!
Re: The Order Of Things by Mr Pig	27-Dec-20/3:41 PM
Some good lines!
Re: Fall Of The Heartlands by Mr Pig	27-Dec-20/3:39 PM
Some excellent lines. The point really gets across. Not so great, does not fit: "And to the east I stare", and you have several misplaced commas. Definitely worth revising.
Re: A Moment In Nowhere by Mr Pig	27-Dec-20/3:35 PM
Some beautiful lines: "Somewhere in the midst of nowhere"; "blackened in wet mascara" (I suggest by black mascara); and my favorite: " "She presented conversation like a guilty bouquet." Some lines not nearly up to that level of excellence: "amongst the flowers" strikes a false note. Loved the ending! Humorous!
Re: Lovers leave their marks by scitz	27-Dec-20/3:30 PM
grammar needs fixing, tenses of verbs are not matching subjects, annoying, also too many cliches- and some jarring lines, like "Some men are pathetic, wearing emotional cosmetic". Some strong emotions are captured, worth reworking.
Re: First Love by Mr Pig	27-Dec-20/3:26 PM
I do not see how "insular" fits. Liked the idea of the person being created by the lover the way a sculptor (or in this case sculptress) creates a ceramic piece. And carrying it through, where like a piece of terracotta, it crumbles into nothing.
Re: Family Portrait by Mr Pig	27-Dec-20/3:21 PM
I'd call it a narrative poem-- captures the story really well--poignant. I enjoyed the irony in the last 4 lines.
Re: for John by pete	26-Dec-20/6:24 PM
some good lines, a little too disjointed for me. Liked sections on trying to reach nirvana but not able to- guess the point is armageddon coming, enjoyed parts.
Re: protest chant by nypoet22	26-Dec-20/6:19 PM
Enjoyed this! Pithy. Might even say "meaty"!
Re: protest chant by nypoet22	26-Dec-20/6:19 PM
Enjoyed this! Pithy. Might even say "meaty"!
Re: bitrot by nentwined	26-Dec-20/6:17 PM
bothered by line "bits moan"- rest is really good!
Re: Year of the Cucumber by Dovina	26-Dec-20/6:15 PM
Enjoyed the thought and imagery. Loved the last line.
Re: Fragmental by Bill Z Bub	26-Dec-20/6:12 PM
Too opaque.
Re: Lovesick by impert&ent	26-Dec-20/6:11 PM
Cute!
Re: Firewoman by Richard	26-Dec-20/6:09 PM
Mixing modern language with words like "ere" and "paltry" makes this less strong. The last line is very strong.
Re: Paedophile at st catherine's by Mona Lisa	26-Dec-20/9:45 AM
Drawers full not draws. Some very good lines.
Re: The Land of Back-to-Front by [mojo]	22-Dec-20/6:09 PM
Enjoyed it!
Re: Little Miss Ogyny by [mojo]	22-Dec-20/6:01 PM
Clever!
Re: Spit Factor by [mojo]	22-Dec-20/5:59 PM
Humorous! Like your last line!