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A Moment In Nowhere (Free verse) by Mr Pig
Somewhere in the midst of nowhere, Somebody stole me for a while, By a broken down rusty beetle, Was a woman breaking down, Blackened in wet mascara she smiled at me, I walked over trying to do so nonchalantly. ‘Have you got a spare Marlboro she asked’ ‘Yes’ I vehemently said in a blue montage, And gave her mine half-baked like the tarmac. Her accent was a symphony of Gaelic silk, That echoed on the fringes of cross winds, I stared at her mouth and smiling she looked away, She presented conversation like a guilty bouquet. I asked why she was crying, And she pointed to the roadside, There were torn photographs of a bride and groom, That blew around like cursed confetti, She spat and impaled the memories on her stiletto’s, Shouting all men are pigs, all men are pigs, I became an inappropriate pillow for her sufferance, Her flaxen locks smelled of pear drops, And I wanted this moment frozen. We talked for hours on the embankment, Amongst the flowers it was enchanted, I thought how a moment is so much sweeter than longevity, We then parted, and sweetly kissed as we went our separate ways, And we spent a sweet moment together, Instead of the asphyxiation of the rest our days. written: 17th May 2003 near Mousehole, Cornwall.

Up the ladder: Determination
Down the ladder: i think

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.222222
Weighted score: 6.611111
Overall Rank: 587
Posted: June 5, 2003 6:58 AM PDT; Last modified: June 5, 2003 11:57 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.46 | 5-Jun-03/7:20 AM | Reply
there are no words.....
[10] Mona Lisa @ 62.105.88.10 | 5-Jun-03/7:59 AM | Reply
Teach me Mr Pig this is beautiful and I am beginning to think you must be a lady for you are in touch with the femimine aura.

Ten
[10] scitz @ 62.105.88.10 | 5-Jun-03/8:03 AM | Reply
Sublime, a wonderful poem and thats all I can say and all I'm gonna say.

Your a show off, a scoundrel, and a german sausage eating Lord of a sprawling property.
[9] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 5-Jun-03/10:30 AM | Reply
I'm suprised you can write this good outside a mousehole, anyway, it's oceans beyond your haiku that's for sure. 9.
[9] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 5-Jun-03/10:31 AM | Reply
I would change the title and the structuring eventually, to accomodate the story more.
[n/a] Mr Pig @ 195.92.168.168 > horus8 | 5-Jun-03/11:58 AM | Reply
Dear Horus,
I did notice line 3 was a tad poor so I have changed it. I hope to tighten it in due course.

Thanks all for reading it.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 > Mr Pig | 5-Jun-03/5:19 PM | Reply
Reading you is always my pleasure. What I meant was replacing the ''s with "'s and just a few other minor tweaks here and there, but as always you are spot on with imaginative depiction, and creating a vivid lirerary landscape for the reader to go to.

A good title might be

"How we meant to leave it".
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 > Bachus | 5-Jun-03/5:21 PM | Reply
's with "s, sorry to be cryptic with that typo, here it is'only' work if the words didn't happen in real life.lol.
[9] Mr Pig (again) @ 62.105.88.10 > Bachus | 6-Jun-03/9:05 AM | Reply
I think your title idea is superior and wish to inform you I have changed it to 'How we meant to leave it' in my personal Boa skin portfolio. Excellent title I thank you.
[n/a] richa @ 195.92.67.65 | 5-Jun-03/10:42 AM | Reply
'all men are pigs' after she said that did you introduce yourself (as mr pig) ?

very sweet poem as ever, moving in images
[9] Mr Pig (again) @ 62.105.88.10 > richa | 6-Jun-03/9:03 AM | Reply
Oh richa I fear she would have laughed in my face.
[6] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 | 5-Jun-03/11:11 AM | Reply
I don't know why, but I don't care for this one much. Just the way things are sometimes.
[10] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154 | 6-Jun-03/12:41 AM | Reply
Twas i that tenned your pen.
[9] Mr Pig (again) @ 62.105.88.10 > Jeremi B. Handrinos | 6-Jun-03/9:01 AM | Reply
How kind of you. Your a good boy to Mr Pig and mucho gracias
[n/a] deleted user @ 198.81.26.113 | 6-Jun-03/2:24 AM | Reply
It's amazing how you've fooled everyone into believing that you aren't Mr. Pig. I am lost for words.
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 > deleted user | 6-Jun-03/2:37 AM | Reply
Yes, you are.
[8] Jill Stockinger @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 | 27-Dec-20/3:35 PM | Reply
Some beautiful lines:
"Somewhere in the midst of nowhere"; "blackened in wet mascara" (I suggest by black mascara); and my favorite: " "She presented conversation like a guilty bouquet."
Some lines not nearly up to that level of excellence: "amongst the flowers" strikes a false note. Loved the ending! Humorous!
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