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Fall Of The Heartlands (Free verse) by Mr Pig
I went to a place where time could stop, To the decimated Citadel high above the loch, A Kestrel pursues the Ospreys, Probably blown off course, Here, life is all about death, Where primal instincts are threatened by Urban sprawl, There used to be Badgers here, Now just smoking holes and laughing poachers. With black and white fur, Embedded in silt and wet magenta, Where broken claws tried to scrape on to life, Now immortal as a deluxe fur sporran. And to the east I stare, To the cerise loch with its stench of failed migration, Where salmon were summoned to die as sardines, Men in biological suits test the water, As a J.C.B. digs new foundations, Destroying mass graves of unknown clans, Who died to preserve such vibrant lands, And here is the irony, These highlands are being destroyed, By pin striped Anglo anthropoids, Hell bent on improving water, Intent on killing everything. A beaver hurriedly fixes his dam, Competing against articulated diggers, Otters lick gaping wounds from toxic compounds, Pathetically still loyal to the poisoned streams, And here I am watching 2000 years of history, 2000 years of dreams, Being demolished so cities can expand, Like a pneumatic sword right through fluvial ventricles Of a dying heartland.

Down the ladder: Goodbye

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 70
.. 31
.. 10
.. 11
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 11
.. 32

Arithmetic Mean: 6.090909
Weighted score: 6.0712876
Overall Rank: 1172
Posted: July 4, 2003 3:43 AM PDT; Last modified: July 4, 2003 3:58 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Kitch @ 62.105.116.77 | 4-Jul-03/4:15 AM | Reply
No dots are needed between JCB
[10] spank me baby yeah @ 62.105.116.77 | 4-Jul-03/7:00 AM | Reply
Pure class porkie ass, roast this 10
[9] richa @ 81.86.227.228 | 4-Jul-03/8:24 AM | Reply
fine selection of language, the traditional with the new

the final line is good about the sword through the ventricles of a heartland. Streams as veins. I think the pneumatic part is mixing metaphors though.

this is definitely one of your best
[9] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 4-Jul-03/11:19 AM | Reply
12,000 but who's counting. An enjoyable read.
[10] deleted user @ 195.92.168.165 | 4-Aug-03/7:26 PM | Reply
Thats a damn good poem bro
[1] poetandknowit @ 65.101.213.250 | 5-Aug-03/8:32 PM | Reply
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. otters lick toxic wounds. hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah fluvial ventricles. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah. you cannot expect a true and mature poet to take this seriously. I supoose it won some high school contest or a million dollar prize at the website everyone bitches about. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Have you ever heard the old records of T.S. reading the wasteland. I bet you write in the voice. Looooooook at theeeeeeeeeeeeee barren dregs offfff drudgereeeeeeeee; the beaver fights with breviteeeeeeeee; the squreeeeerl die at the hand off a glooooowing aaaaacorn.
[n/a] Mr Pig @ 62.105.119.105 > poetandknowit | 6-Aug-03/2:15 AM | Reply
Its interesting how this comment was posted at 08:32pm and the last vote cast was 08:32pm, it was not even in the best list up until that point and now it is so you must have voted it highly intentionally or not.

Please feel free PAKI to vote it 0 like you do with all my poems.

I hate inconsistency after all, go on make my day punk.
[10] Hostileintent @ 159.134.55.73 | 13-Aug-03/4:28 AM | Reply
supreme. i like the feeling in it.the imagery is so vivid.

question:i have asked a few people to look at the last two in my list,would you too?
[7] Jill Stockinger @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 | 27-Dec-20/3:39 PM | Reply
Some excellent lines. The point really gets across. Not so great, does not fit: "And to the east I stare", and you have several misplaced commas. Definitely worth revising.
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