Re: Sissy Faggot by Shardik	17-Dec-04/11:54 PM
This poem rules. 10.
Re: a comment on That One Time Last Summer, Remember? by jessicazee	13-Dec-04/3:19 PM
Thanks for the nice comments, everyone. I'll think what to do with the shower line. You're right, it's clunky.
Re: Dancing in Memories: Slipping Away In The House On The Hill by Stacy Stewart	8-Dec-04/11:20 PM
A little confusing point-of view-wise but I am into it big time anyways?
Re: Dreams of Neverland: Invitation to Neverland by TLRufener	8-Dec-04/11:10 PM
I like this enough to spend a little time with nitpicking... A few comments: (as I read it out loud): Line 10: omit "the scent of" - better w/out it Line 11: Just "cast", not "casted" Paragraph break after line 14 ..."balcony." Line 15: "Gazed in awe" is kind of cliche-y. Line 18: He already gave you his hand a few lines back. Line 27: "thought" instead of "though", ok... Sorry to analyze too much ..guess I kind of like the fantastical aspect of this poem. Like I like the movie "Willow". Or "The Neverending Story." But not the "Neverending Story Part II." That may have sucked worse than "Grease 2" with Michelle Pfeiffer.
Re: Dino's by RGSsparky	14-Nov-04/7:29 PM
Wanted: Jingle writer for pizza place. Some experience preferred; will train. Must have no body hair. No freaks. 555-dino
Re: moving away by celticskatermatt1	14-Nov-04/7:26 PM
who needs punctuation when the place has a face? Maybe some nu-punk song lyrics.
Re: The bad news is his bones are like rubber by Venus	28-Jul-04/12:10 AM
Also, I love the title.
Re: Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus	28-Jul-04/12:08 AM
"Putty" doesn't need capitalization. Love "tank tops and yoga pants." Also, try it without the ellipese after the "Now"s.
Re: The bad news is his bones are like rubber by Venus	28-Jul-04/12:06 AM
Intriguing and yessir, I like it. Kind of ambivalent about "you lost me at 'c'" - reminds me of Jerry Maguire unfortunately..."You had me at 'hello'"... Lose the 2 commas, the rest is gravy. 8.
Re: Johnny Depp by Rilke4ClosetLesbians	8-Jul-04/10:22 PM
Johnny can 21 jump street me anytime. nice.
Re: a comment on Working at the Garden Market by jessicazee	5-May-04/6:27 PM
Thanks for all the comments, everyone. This new job is so weird. Today I stocked all the new lawn gnomes. BTW, any suggestions for titles?
Re: The road to melancholy by INTRANSIT	30-Apr-04/8:10 PM
Third stanza doesn't need to be there in my opinion. Love it anyway.
Re: a comment on Severed Arm by jessicazee	13-Apr-04/1:48 PM
thanks for the comments, guys!
Re: Beah Richards by Jeremi B. Handrinos	22-Mar-04/12:04 PM
This is great - the 1st stanza has a little cliche-y sound to it with "moved mountains" and "great white hunter"...maybe use proper names of mountain..."moved an Everest" or something. Oh I don't know. I still like it. 9
Re: a comment on Bar Tale 2.0 by jessicazee	7-Oct-03/3:09 PM
That depends on what you consider to be a gangster.
Re: a comment on Bar Tale 2.0 by jessicazee	7-Oct-03/3:01 PM
This was a story told to me by a guy at the bar I work at. Didn't think I'd catch so much flack. Geez. It's a prose poem. Thanks for looking, though.
Re: Polyurethane by Fear of Garbage	23-Jul-03/3:10 PM
"money, airbag, scrapbook" okay! I likey. Not sure of the "sick/sorry/sad"...seems like the slashes break it weirdly. 9
Re: a comment on I'll Just Have a Salad by jessicazee	23-Jul-03/3:08 PM
Thai Joes has one I've heard on Monday nights; also that newish place called Mecca, and of course the Y-Not II on E. Lyon.
Re: Nonentities by scitz	20-Jun-03/2:43 AM
2nd line should have 7 for haiku? I heart line 1. 7
Re: a comment on Inquire Within by jessicazee	12-May-03/1:43 PM
Ranger - I had problems editing at one point & posted a poem without a title - so nothing shows up for two of them. crap! And I think I deleted one of your comments. I am losing it. D'oh.