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That One Time Last Summer, Remember? (Free verse) by jessicazee
First a berry stain on your pine needled sole, and you just say "look at the fire I made" It's a quick death, a campfired moth. Ash so light, wings disappear, flying, dying again toward the canopy. The shower drips all night, mulberry trees whisper, "please shake us" "we need to let things go"

Up the ladder: Forsaken

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.25
Weighted score: 5.2682066
Overall Rank: 3925
Posted: December 11, 2004 12:41 AM PST; Last modified: December 11, 2004 12:41 AM PST
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Comments:
[10] EAger to Offend @ 65.95.241.26 | 12-Dec-04/3:18 AM | Reply
Inexplicibly good! I get a great feeling from this. Both intimate and delicate. 10
[10] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.205.138 | 12-Dec-04/5:26 AM | Reply
Ditto
[9] Dovina @ 69.175.6.101 | 12-Dec-04/9:37 AM | Reply
A improvement over "Going Camping," quite good, but I wish you'd remove that dripping shower.
[n/a] jessicazee @ 205.188.117.5 > Dovina | 13-Dec-04/3:19 PM | Reply
Thanks for the nice comments, everyone. I'll think what to do with the shower line. You're right, it's clunky.
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