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The bad news is his bones are like rubber (Free verse) by Venus âThe good news is nothing is broken,â
she says.
When I donât run out of meds
itâs easy,
you see
âC - A - Tâ
Left to my own devices, though
you lost me at âCâ
âThe bad news is his bones are like rubber,â
she says,
with an audible hint of condemnation.
Up the ladder:
Girly
Down the ladder:
The Unholiest Sonnet Ever
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.625
Posted: July 27, 2004 8:46 PM PDT; Last modified: July 27, 2004 8:46 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.43703 Overall Rank: 3007 Comments:
[8]
jessicazee @ 205.188.116.141
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28-Jul-04/12:06 AM
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Reply
Intriguing and yessir, I like it. Kind of ambivalent about "you lost me at 'c'" - reminds me of Jerry Maguire unfortunately..."You had me at 'hello'"... Lose the 2 commas, the rest is gravy. 8.
[n/a]
Venus @ 67.165.242.105
> jessicazee
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28-Jul-04/7:51 AM
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Reply
Thanks. Which 2 commas?
Also, I love the title.
Hmmm, something about this that I like, even though it doesn't make any sense to me.
I like to get a little feedback before explaining context, just to see if anyone can piece it together as-is. But feeling it is good too, yes?
I like enough shrouding to let me draw my own conclisions, but I don't like riddles, and this reads like a riddle.
I hear you. But it's no riddle. An "afflicted" woman is hearing some news. She doesn't hear the whole message because her mind is busy trying to justify her potential guilt. Too shrouded perhaps?
Maybe too cryptic. I can see how it might cathartic somehow, but - "what's in it for me?"
"audible hint of condemnation"... what is that, exactly? Interesting even after my gripes, has a nice cadence - I just want it to mean something without too much trouble (some, is fine).
Yeah, it's clearly missing the WIIFM factor.
The condemnation is coming from the good news/bad news doctor. Why? Because the central character is clearly at fault for the bad news - that his bones are like rubber. Whose bones? Why, the water dragon's bones, of course. Geez, it's becoming cryptic even to me now!
cryptic likes a monkey
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