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The Editor (Free verse) by Dovina
Had he given me just one, or half a dozen from his cache, poems to read and check, and make suggestions on, I’d judge each one by look and feel, like buying fruit from unknown trees. But after holding, feeling forty, I sense a tree with grafted limbs. The fruit grow each unique, but carry something from the whole. I almost see the trunk and branches, how they spread and where they aim, their bent and pretty form. My tone is altered by such poems. In seeing things unseen by him, I see them partly through his eyes.

Up the ladder: Girly
Down the ladder: The Unholiest Sonnet Ever

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 01
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.625
Weighted score: 5.43703
Overall Rank: 3011
Posted: April 30, 2007 2:45 PM PDT; Last modified: April 30, 2007 2:45 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] drnick @ 24.247.112.155 | 30-Apr-07/3:01 PM | Reply
I didn't like the comparison in line 6, but after seeing how you developed it I changed my mind. This is very well written, but I'm not sure what you mean by "My tone is altered by such poems." How is your tone altered, and why? It just doesn't seem to fit right there. Anyways, great job!
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 > drnick | 30-Apr-07/3:08 PM | Reply
Having caught the flavor of his writing, my tone (outlook) is changed, I begin setting his viewpoint to things in my life that he doesn't know about. I am influenced by him. Thanks.
[9] Prince of Void @ 80.71.127.110 > Dovina | 7-May-07/2:05 PM | Reply
your poems,your scars concealed
The transience of life.....
Wasted moments won't return
my final tears are to come
the dream has just begun
Ever with me
Beyond my dreams
beyond your tone
beyond unexplained pains
here in my soul
I passed them by
in the transience of life.....
[n/a] Dovina @ 12.77.34.147 > Prince of Void | 7-May-07/2:15 PM | Reply
A few scars to conceal - yes
A transient life - yes
Wasted moments won't return - yes
My final tears might have already come
What is this dream that's just begun?
Ever with you?
And how can it be beyond dreams?
And beyond my tone - ok
beyond pains - ok
in your soul - ok
What did you passed by?
in the transience of life.....
[8] amanda_dcosta @ 121.247.152.123 | 9-May-07/10:05 AM | Reply
Good imagery D. Happy to read one of your poems after a long time. Sorry for the negligence. Hope you are having a whale of a time on the road. Praying for your safety.
[8] amanda_dcosta @ 121.247.152.123 > amanda_dcosta | 9-May-07/10:06 AM | Reply
BTW.. who's the pain who gave you a zero. Must be some nitwit.
[9] jessicazee @ 24.160.240.223 | 10-May-07/11:37 PM | Reply
drop everything except for the fruit stuff. LOVE: "their bent and pretty form."
[8] nypoet22 @ 74.225.66.5 | 20-May-07/11:58 AM | Reply
this is very prosey. I feel like the first four lines are not really necessary at all, and the last four don't connect very well with the imagery in-between. That said, the middle 8 lines are very nice.
[0] daniella @ 201.212.77.26 | 22-May-07/10:34 AM | Reply
you need an editor. and someone to let you on to the fact: you don't buy fruit from trees, known or otherwise... and lastly, as a poet you should know all trees... tsk tsk
[n/a] Dovina @ 216.77.71.149 > daniella | 22-May-07/10:55 AM | Reply
I gave you an honest comment on you poem. There's no need to smash back at mine if you don't like it.
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