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Working at the Garden Market (Free verse) by jessicazee It is windy today
Hats rolling down
the sidewalk windy
The greenhouses
are noisy inside
plastic flapping
Sparrows combat
rivals for nesting bits
feathers in impatiens
An old man wants to know
âwhere are the wave toonys?â
petunias, the striped kind
Roses in rows
gardening gloves
onions sets in red and yellow
The man wants âblaze marysâ
What are they?
âTheyâre round like thisâ
His fingers form an O
I wish a bird
would land on his hand
Marigolds of course
he follows me to the blooms
next to sweet potato vine
A hanging basket
of tiny white daisies
moves out of the way
Up the ladder:
A Piñon Planter
Down the ladder:
Deja Vu
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.5
Posted: May 4, 2004 5:25 PM PDT; Last modified: May 4, 2004 5:25 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.25 Overall Rank: 927 Comments:
Title verb could give you a bit more use prolly.
"windy" twice in the first? I'm going to go off on that first stanza some more, no abuse intended. Do you really need to *tell* me it's windy? I mean "hats rolling [down] the sidewalk" do that for you, right? Pretty much - "down" is weak to that end though, but easily replaced with maybe a simile. Can you do something with "Hats" - make it more real, less "movie-like"? Figure all that out and apply to the other stanzas and it will help you with this pattern of saying "here is an event", then proceeding to describe the event; "They were yelling/words were loudly played about" kindof thing. The idea is to not need that first [telling] bit. Btw, I didn't spend all these words because I think this sucks, in fact it has a refined feel, especially toward the end - but there is some noise making it difficult to appreciate fully.
It rings like a haiku, and maybe could be a haiku of many verses. Just a thought.
I'm a hoe.
LoL - a dirty, dirty hoe.
Thanks for all the comments, everyone. This new job is so weird. Today I stocked all the new lawn gnomes.
BTW, any suggestions for titles? 247 view(s)
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-Or-
"A name formerly applied to several varieties of ulcerous cutaneous diseases, but now restricted to Lupus exedens, an ulcerative affection of the nose."
(would be nice to have seen some dual usage of the word, but it is a minor player in the piece)