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Working at the Garden Market (Free verse) by jessicazee

It is windy today Hats rolling down the sidewalk windy The greenhouses are noisy inside plastic flapping Sparrows combat rivals for nesting bits feathers in impatiens An old man wants to know “where are the wave toonys?” petunias, the striped kind Roses in rows gardening gloves onions sets in red and yellow The man wants “blaze marys” What are they? “They’re round like this” His fingers form an O I wish a bird would land on his hand Marigolds of course he follows me to the blooms next to sweet potato vine A hanging basket of tiny white daisies moves out of the way

Shuushin 4-May-04/6:37 PM
Title verb could give you a bit more use prolly.

"windy" twice in the first?

I'm going to go off on that first stanza some more, no abuse intended. Do you really need to *tell* me it's windy? I mean "hats rolling [down] the sidewalk" do that for you, right? Pretty much - "down" is weak to that end though, but easily replaced with maybe a simile. Can you do something with "Hats" - make it more real, less "movie-like"?

Figure all that out and apply to the other stanzas and it will help you with this pattern of saying "here is an event", then proceeding to describe the event; "They were yelling/words were loudly played about" kindof thing. The idea is to not need that first [telling] bit.

Btw, I didn't spend all these words because I think this sucks, in fact it has a refined feel, especially toward the end - but there is some noise making it difficult to appreciate fully.




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