Re: Happy Charlene by Dovina	13-Jul-05/11:11 PM
Tell me why the clouds are "sensuous" without the word "fluffy" (which conjures kittens and toilet tissue). Maybe this is a free-form ode to a friend, or you read my brother's 1985 diary when he had a Charlene Tilton obsession? Either way, I want to meet her. She sounds awesome.
Re: When the World Forgets by TLRufener	13-Jul-05/11:06 PM
The sentiment deserves more. And Kansas deserves credit for your "dust in the wind." However, I think your form and rhythm are smart. For whatever you take my opinion for.
Re: Daytime TV by jessicazee	30-Jun-05/1:48 AM
Don't take this one too seriously. Just trying to make fun haiku.
Re: Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	31-May-05/2:07 AM
A couple line-beginning capitalization typos, but who gives a crap? Liked it a bunch. 9
Re: Crossing the Mojave by INTRANSIT	26-May-05/9:41 PM
Firebirds and cold leather souls are enough to win me over. 9.3.
Re: Coffined by Dovina	26-May-05/9:40 PM
I'm refraining from reading other comments and offer a 9.1. Good for me, if only right now.
Re: a comment on My Best Friend, 1985 by jessicazee	10-May-05/3:50 AM
A poem of yours? Cryptic comment? Thank you?
Re: Dying breed by INTRANSIT	10-May-05/12:55 AM
I want shorter lines, a hyphenated "broken eared," love "docking ballets." Didn't quite get the jist, unfortunately. Give me some more meat. 8.4
Re: Finding Gin and Santa by richa	10-May-05/12:52 AM
I read this out loud to myself. I'm lovin' it.
Re: Spirit In a Temple by peaceseeker	10-May-05/12:45 AM
I like the way your words resonate, but, okay, really, I am totally confused. It seems so personal...so much so that most readers can't/won't be able to relate. Maybe the point? Liked it anyway. 8.2
Re: Racism by Dovina	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Kind of confusing about "the six" and I think the possessive "tiger's" in line 1 doesn't work, however, I am attracted to the feeling of eyeing up the competition, and I want this to be longer.
Re: Home by Dovina	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Try omitting "Then" from stanza 2 & "Finally" from stanza 4...the auxiliary (sp?) words already give the sense of time. I read the 1st stanza aloud to myself (and sleeping cat) and it is great. 9.2.
Re: Home by Dovina	3-May-05/2:29 PM
...P.P.S. beware accidental capitalization at line beginnings.
Re: Void by darylchew	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Omit "yet the" in line 2; also the "Like" in line 5; try in the single line 8 leaving out "For". I think it you would say so much more without giving the reader obvious clues of metaphor. This is really very good. 8.9
Re: a comment on Void by darylchew	3-May-05/2:29 PM
You're welcome (if you were directing my way...). I'd love it if you commented on the poem I just posted, "Grandma and Grandpa" if you have the time.
Re: Just Another Poem by Damien	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I kind of love that you capitalized "Maths" and also the 3rd & 4th lines are brilliant. Suggestion: leave a space between every two rhyming lines. Not sure, but an idea. Good, I read it 3 times. 9.1.
Re: Next time by Billy Fights	3-May-05/2:29 PM
The second stanza rocks my world, a cliche, I know, but really, very very good. Maybe de-mystify the third stanza for us underlings, and also revise to lowercase the beginnings of lines that permit it. 9.6
Re: Actor by horus8	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Kill the 1st stanza (unfortunate words considering the theme) but your story which follows needs not such a intangible introduction. P.S. I've had 2 Tom Cruise dreams in the last year and does he realize his celebrity has encroached on Everyman's sleep space? weird!
Re: a comment on We Were Burnouts by jessicazee	27-Apr-05/1:18 AM
thanks for reading & replying. I have been working very hard writing lately & it's nice to know people respond. Meow.
Re: am i right? by celticskatermatt1	27-Apr-05/1:13 AM
2nd line...should be "you're" instead of "your". You have so much feeling here...try to relate it to us in real language...pretend like you are telling your best friend how you feel in this poem in real words, instead of trying to "write a poem." Because I think you can. More, please.