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Coffined (Free verse) by Dovina What good is a body coffined
Or self-consumed
As if the reaper sleeps?
What good is legacy lost
Or fund-lengthened lives
For bulletsâ sting?
And why help
For thanks returned
More likely stabbed
Sitting here
Soul soured
Before an empty tube
Wine darkened
In midnight verse
Hard-faced to any need
I ask what good that body is
Complete, abolished
No-breather, no-brainer
Up the ladder:
The blankness of his life
Down the ladder:
Decline and Fall
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.8333335
Posted: May 26, 2005 8:25 AM PDT; Last modified: May 26, 2005 8:25 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.2241178 Overall Rank: 4304 Comments:
[8]
Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.232.250
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26-May-05/11:33 AM
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Reply
You are obviously a stranger to the joys of necrophilia.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 69.175.32.185
> Dan garcia-Black
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26-May-05/1:42 PM
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Reply
Yes, and itâs not really about death, except as a consideration in deciding how to live.
Sorry D, I was left in the dark on this one.
But I do need to ask if maybe Rockmage compensates for my mostly over generous votes, thereby giving the 'ranker SOME balance?
Giving every poem on poemranker the same vote, no matter what vote, affects nothing relatively.
Neither does poetry if you think about it.
"If a nation's literature declines,the nation atrophies and decays." Ezra Pound from A-B-C of reading Yes. Pound. Again.
It's a poem about sloth, I think. But there's to much poet in it. Lose the voice, show the scene.
See comment below.
I wonder, is this really such a poem failure? It's intriguing and the language is quite rich. If this is about someone who is helping himself going down the drain, it's an original view.
Although I get the impression that it is not the body that is 'abolished', but the brain. Damned those capitals again! Because do I read: 'I ask what good that body is, complete (and) abolished' or 'I ask what good that body is; complete (but) abolished'?
No, it is a failure as poem. Thanks for trying to interpret, but when four good poets fail to understand what I was talking about, it can only mean that I failed to be clear.
The body is complete because the life is complete. It is abolished because the life is gone, a no-breather because that leads to the punch word â no-brainrer â which has two meanings â a dead brain and a decision that requires little thought.
Ah...
[brainless smilie]
I'm refraining from reading other comments and offer a 9.1. Good for me, if only right now.
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