on Rare Oul' Times in the County Wicklow by Edna Sweetlove
31 Oct 2006, 4:16 AM
I had a comment to make, but seeing as the author is a total fuck, I'll keep it to myself. Edna=0 Just because. :)
on Suburban Spleen by Sasha
31 Oct 2006, 4:10 AM
Well written.
on Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20
31 Oct 2006, 4:05 AM
If you think your religion/church is so blood sucking than why do you still follow it? Or have you recently left a church? I have never practiced religion for these obvious reasons. Spirituality > Religion. Find a unique way to say it instead of staing the obvious.
on Silver Lining by Wakeboarder20
31 Oct 2006, 3:50 AM
Cliche anyone? Im not trying to be a jerk, but you need to try to get out of cliche mode. Make your point from a semi-unique angle. If you talk about a specific experience, the obvious points will come though wihtout you having to tell us. Tell us instead about the intricacies of the experience. The name of the poem itself is a cliche.
on Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20
31 Oct 2006, 3:35 AM
Try leading your audience instead of telling them what to think. I hate whining.
on Politick by Wakeboarder20
31 Oct 2006, 3:30 AM
We've all seen the three piece suit politician you're talking about. Cigars, briefcases, etc. A poem is much better if you make the point from a DIFFERENT angle. Lead us on a bit, make us work a bit to get to the solution.
on leavetaking by daniella
31 Oct 2006, 3:20 AM
Im sorry, it's just not written well.
on 311006 txt to russia by daniella
31 Oct 2006, 3:02 AM
I like this very much. Although the form seems to beg to be rid of line three and four, and replaced with 'rolling across deserts'. You are very close. The title sucks. I love numbers, but they are for math.
on Slur by MacFrantic
24 Oct 2006, 12:41 AM
I like it. It reads well. The one thing I would do: change 'devastation' to 'devastated' or something else entirely.
Great poem. It flows incredibly well for me until the last line. At first read I thought the reference to self bothered me, but now I'm not so sure. It just doesn't seem to fit with the rest.
Honestly, I don't understand (as other posters mention) how your work varies in quality so much. Farewell Kind Lover was another diamond, but most of the stuff in between I haven't liked very much. Anyway, this is great.
Honestly, I don't understand (as other posters mention) how your work varies in quality so much. Farewell Kind Lover was another diamond, but most of the stuff in between I haven't liked very much. Anyway, this is great.
replying on Work by half.italian
17 Oct 2006, 11:47 PM
Requiem for a dream made my skin crawl. I litteraly felt like I was on speed by the end. It was genius, but not something I'd choose to subject myself to often.
replying on Work by half.italian
17 Oct 2006, 12:41 AM
Excellent movies do this to me no matter what the subject. It's a gift that I enjoy from time to time. I watched "Born into Brothels" and then "Bukowski: Born into This"
I really need to describe the feeling more elaborately. It's much more complicated than just making me question things. It's extremely empowering, and gives me an incredible euphoria that few things in life compare to. It forces me to question how I live and what is important in life. It makes everything seem possible for a while. This is the feeling that built Hollywood.
While I LOVED "American Beauty" the first thru fifth time I saw it, I recently rented it and was disappointed. It's not a great movie for repeat viewing. Another movie that did this to me and still my favorite movie: "Lost In Translation"
I really need to describe the feeling more elaborately. It's much more complicated than just making me question things. It's extremely empowering, and gives me an incredible euphoria that few things in life compare to. It forces me to question how I live and what is important in life. It makes everything seem possible for a while. This is the feeling that built Hollywood.
While I LOVED "American Beauty" the first thru fifth time I saw it, I recently rented it and was disappointed. It's not a great movie for repeat viewing. Another movie that did this to me and still my favorite movie: "Lost In Translation"
replying on The Natural Course of Fear by half.italian
1 Oct 2006, 3:33 PM
It's trying to describe the phases that your body goes through when you feel fear. First you get short of breath, then you get an uncomfortable tingle (hair stands on end) then some kind of overwhelming force courses through your body.
replying on The Natural Course of Fear by half.italian
1 Oct 2006, 3:31 PM
I envisioned raspberry as a burn on your skin from scraping along the ground. It is uncomfortable and creates a scab. Not fun. I think I was reaching more with parallel skeins. Maybe it was just the connection with the word veins and skeleton that made it scary to me.
on the secret life of the sundew by pollywolly
30 Sep 2006, 8:29 PM
Nice imagery.
on fear by BrendanElder
29 Sep 2006, 12:04 AM
I can feel it coming from you heart. Beautiful.
on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger
22 Sep 2006, 8:32 PM
I like some of the imagery..."solar flowers" "a million beating fists" "screaming slaves in chain gang rows", but they just don't string together that well for me.
on I Have, Because I Am by flock
20 Sep 2006, 8:55 PM
I kind of liked the first few stanzas, but it just got worse as it went on, and then worse again until the final cliche ruined it entirely.