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leavetaking (Free verse) by daniella
sometimes stories are let loose from sources like the leaves of the willow from its electric branches. the mind fondles them and twists them into memories. a ball of yarn and then with years, begins the slow unraveling, a heavy line, weakens its weight and leaves a weave untangled. its when in my old silver yeas of swaying and rocking before the window that overlooks the willow in the yard and the crooked backs of men, i may not remember what was the story of my love at all. it may be so far gone as some faint whisper i'll hear calling, from behind the threshold of the backdoor as it opens with the wind. they too will fall away like those willow leaves to color the lawn with stories that play in my hair as it grows electric beneath the deep brown earth.

Down the ladder: Child of Troy

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.375
Weighted score: 5.638736
Overall Rank: 2150
Posted: May 22, 2004 8:46 PM PDT; Last modified: May 22, 2004 8:46 PM PDT
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impert&ent

Comments:
[9] deleted user @ 146.201.32.78 | 23-May-04/8:31 AM | Reply
...silver yeas? (years?)

graceful, nostalgic
[n/a] daniella @ 24.232.6.111 > deleted user | 25-Jul-04/3:06 PM | Reply
i know! i just saw the mistake. i am torn between losing all the lovely kudos and votes, or just chalking it up to old age slight of hand!
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 | 23-May-04/9:36 AM | Reply
Some of these clauses, especially in the third stanza, seem poorly grouped. The last is weird, too. "they" is really poorly defined, and the string of grotesquely conjoined similes and subordinate clauses that make up the rest of that sentence don't help.
[n/a] daniella @ 24.232.6.111 > zodiac | 25-Jul-04/2:59 PM | Reply
perhaps its best you stick to birth charts and the back page horoscopes? dunno... just a subordinate thought, i love to embed my thoughts as constituents of a matrix. it functions for me in words where i abound.
[10] sliver @ 63.189.17.232 | 24-May-04/5:04 PM | Reply
Well said.
[10] impert&ent @ 82.36.28.139 | 11-Jun-04/2:18 PM | Reply
As ever, beautiful.
[n/a] daniella @ 200.127.15.173 > impert&ent | 1-Nov-05/9:48 AM | Reply
:) you
[5] half.italian @ 70.36.242.152 | 31-Oct-06/3:20 AM | Reply
Im sorry, it's just not written well.
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