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Your Eyes (Free verse) by Dovina A fence, wandering across the land,
along some ancient line,
encloses and discloses,
relates in its purpose,
to other things,
not itselfâ
what it keeps and what it keeps out,
the boundaries it proclaims,
the openings it allows.
Having walked the public side,
and peeked in,
Iâm searching for the gate.
Up the ladder:
Breeding ground.
Down the ladder:
Disfigure
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.3333335
Posted: October 17, 2006 12:48 PM PDT; Last modified: October 17, 2006 12:48 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.62753 Overall Rank: 2209 Comments:
[9]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
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17-Oct-06/3:07 PM
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Reply
Nice
sweet !
This seems quite different from what you normally write, but I definately like it!
I was experimenting with a title thatâs totally unrelated to the poem, at least on the surface. Glad you like it.
Great poem. It flows incredibly well for me until the last line. At first read I thought the reference to self bothered me, but now I'm not so sure. It just doesn't seem to fit with the rest.
Honestly, I don't understand (as other posters mention) how your work varies in quality so much. Farewell Kind Lover was another diamond, but most of the stuff in between I haven't liked very much. Anyway, this is great.
I find it a strange thing that my work is not all considered good or that none of it is considered good. Yet itâs true as you say. I have some unusual views, I guess, and they donât always come through well. Thanks for your comment.
Good apart from the last line which is a bit of a bum ending.
Actually, âgateâ may not be what Iâm searching for. Itâs more subtle than that; maybe just a fencing nail left loose at a cedar post, allowing a strand of barbed wire to be lowered enough to gain entrance. Thanks for the comment.
How do you do it?
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