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Soup Can (Free verse) by oneglove Live your life
Between shadows and spotlights
A love of beauty
A taste for fright
Someone may notice
The eyes in the blinds
Your silver and gray
Will have their time
But you're jumping off buildings
Just to part the crowd
For someone to notice
You can make a sound
As you sit up high
Ants scurry in throngs
You finally know
What you knew all along
It was never home
Up the ladder:
Church
Down the ladder:
The devils win
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Posted: September 20, 2006 10:06 PM PDT; Last modified: September 22, 2006 12:46 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.9761596 Overall Rank: 8351 Comments:
[7]
ecargo @ 167.219.88.140
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21-Sep-06/1:51 PM
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Was it earth all along? ;-D Sorry--just saw Planet of the Apes (the original, not the Marky Mark version) again. There's sort of an odd melancholy to this that works, though some of the lines fall a little flat. Why "Soup Can"?
[n/a]
Ranger @ 86.142.241.113
> ecargo
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21-Sep-06/1:56 PM
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You know, I misinterpreted the title at first. I thought it was going to lead on to something - like "Soup can...be used as a temporary alternative to paint", or "soup can...be consumed cold, but it's not usually advisable", or even "soup can...be cloven a'twain with Bruce Almighty-style powers". Nifty stuff, soup.
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oneglove @ 24.216.70.145
> Ranger
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22-Sep-06/6:35 AM
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bruce almighty what a garbage movie. the title is in reference to the play between beauty and plain. when warhol painted a soup can and it became art it changed the perspectives of something beautiful. just as in his personal life he strove to find acceptance about his physical attributes until he finally realized he was different and embraced it.
[6]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
> oneglove
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23-Sep-06/1:15 PM
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Okay, if that's what you want to say, why not say it in the first person, and give up on the universal "you." And the last line is weak; it needs to drive home, not talk about it.
my sense of perspective and viewpoint got scrambled between verses 3 and 4; chilling finale and knockout opening... not conviced by self-rhyme of along, though...v3 seems a little clumsy
I like a bit more complexity.
Pretty boring.
jumping off buildings
Just to part the crowd i like this. because of the cliche first and third lines i think some people may give up on this poem prematurely, but i like the feeling in the last few. as a poem on the subject of suicide, i guess it can't help being a bit over the top, so to speak. consider a different beginning, but keep the end. 187 view(s)
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