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Soup Can

Member since 2004 · Posted 20 Sep 2006 · Edited 22 Sep 2006 · 8 comments

Live your life Between shadows and spotlights A love of beauty A taste for fright Someone may notice The eyes in the blinds Your silver and gray Will have their time But you're jumping off buildings Just to part the crowd For someone to notice You can make a sound As you sit up high Ants scurry in throngs You finally know What you knew all along It was never home

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8 comments

[7] ecargo 21-Sep-06/1:51 PM Reply

Was it earth all along? ;-D Sorry--just saw Planet of the Apes (the original, not the Marky Mark version) again. There's sort of an odd melancholy to this that works, though some of the lines fall a little flat. Why "Soup Can"?

[n/a] Ranger › ecargo 21-Sep-06/1:56 PM Reply

You know, I misinterpreted the title at first. I thought it was going to lead on to something - like "Soup can...be used as a temporary alternative to paint", or "soup can...be consumed cold, but it's not usually advisable", or even "soup can...be cloven a'twain with Bruce Almighty-style powers". Nifty stuff, soup.

[n/a] oneglove › Ranger 22-Sep-06/6:35 AM Reply

bruce almighty what a garbage movie. the title is in reference to the play between beauty and plain. when warhol painted a soup can and it became art it changed the perspectives of something beautiful. just as in his personal life he strove to find acceptance about his physical attributes until he finally realized he was different and embraced it.

[6] Dovina › oneglove 23-Sep-06/1:15 PM Reply

Okay, if that's what you want to say, why not say it in the first person, and give up on the universal "you." And the last line is weak; it needs to drive home, not talk about it.

[6] pete 21-Sep-06/5:17 PM Reply

my sense of perspective and viewpoint got scrambled between verses 3 and 4; chilling finale and knockout opening... not conviced by self-rhyme of along, though...v3 seems a little clumsy

[6] half.italian 22-Sep-06/8:25 PM Reply

I like a bit more complexity.

[4] Edna Sweetlove 23-Sep-06/7:13 PM Reply

Pretty boring.

[8] nypoet22 24-Sep-06/7:12 PM Reply

jumping off buildings
Just to part the crowd

i like this. because of the cliche first and third lines i think some people may give up on this poem prematurely, but i like the feeling in the last few. as a poem on the subject of suicide, i guess it can't help being a bit over the top, so to speak. consider a different beginning, but keep the end.