on cold war by Dental Panic
5 Mar 2007, 9:06 AM
I think you could stay with the analogy through the last line. Don't give it to us. I got it right away. Nice poem.
replying on Fuck Shelters, & fuck OutReach Court. by SupremeDreamer
24 Feb 2007, 10:13 AM
I guess I didn't like some of your comments toward other posters. Maybe I was drunk that night as well. Anyway, I'm done with that, and I still don't like the poem very much. There's no form, there's no point to it, and it's just not fun to read. Find a 'poetic' approach to saying what you want to say. Rhyming, even poorly, does not equal poetry. By the way, 'er, &, 'n, lookin', livin' goin', prayin', etc, are not words. They might be excusable if the poem was meant for song lyrics. This obviously isn't. That's my three pennies. I've seen much better from you.
on A New Deal by oneglove
23 Feb 2007, 4:53 PM
I like it. Sounds like a Dylan song.
on Leg by jessicazee
17 Feb 2007, 3:55 PM
I love your poetry.
on a self-conscious lack of denial by nentwined
15 Feb 2007, 9:37 PM
Southern Comfort always brings me spirit wisdom.
on Friday's Monday's June by Enkidu
15 Feb 2007, 9:28 PM
It's just fun to read.
on Complaints by jessicazee
15 Feb 2007, 9:21 PM
I really like it. I see something clearly. Dad comes home from hard work, to a child who wants to play. He just can't handle children being children when he's tired.
I could be off, but it works for me.
I could be off, but it works for me.
on Celui by half.italian
15 Feb 2007, 9:08 PM
Thanks. I wish I had her back.
replying on Edna's Christmas Farewell by Edna Sweetlove
12 Feb 2007, 9:22 PM
Well done. haha
on A Part of Me by Quarton
12 Feb 2007, 9:15 PM
I like it overall. The puncuation and grammar errors throw me off though. If you are going to use form to help your poem, use it to make it more readable. The form here makes it harder to read I think. Also, "with my beliefs though, I can no longer take refuge in them knowing" This sentence is grammatically incorrect. I think :)
on Swansong by MacFrantic
12 Feb 2007, 8:56 PM
The rhyimg doesn't seem to work. I also don't like the two 'ing' endings right next to each other on line 3. The last four lines, on the other hand are great. The rhyme works and the words all well put.
on The Medium of Dunce by Ranger
12 Feb 2007, 8:51 PM
I think you sacrafice something here trying to fit your meaning into rhyme. Nice imagery though.
on Fuck Shelters, & fuck OutReach Court. by SupremeDreamer
11 Feb 2007, 10:39 AM
yikes.
on Celui by half.italian
11 Feb 2007, 10:27 AM
Have at it.
on Ode to a Pimple-Lyric Spawned by Phalkon's Greasy Face. by SupremeDreamer
11 Feb 2007, 10:27 AM
Dog shit.
on a days journey by donmiguel1960
11 Feb 2007, 10:24 AM
Mournful sounds awkward to me positioned as it is. 'furthermost' sounded awkward to me as well, I didn't even think it was a word. I was wrong. Try restructiing lines to eliminateg 90% of the "my"'s, and you'll be much happier with it I think.
replying on Still by half.italian
2 Nov 2006, 1:33 AM
You know what, I don't think I made myself clear enough once again. I'm describing the memory of a past relationship. I am building a home of glass because I shouldn't be remembering these things. The feelings are like blinking fate because at times it feels like we should still be together. Maybe destiny is a better word here. Right and left are actualy sides of the brain; Im describing a person. I dont think its arrogant to think that somone who has similar tastes has correct taste. My taste is correct for me. Why wouldnt it be correct for the person who has the same tastes? I only mention the Eiffel Tower because of the memory of a poster of it. It is proper in its proportions because the poster was overlaid with a kind of enginnering document describing its arcs and beams etc. The more I read it, the more I like it. I don't think you need to know all the details to make it significant. But maybe it works for me because I do know the details. I try to be a bit vague in my poems intentionally to let the reader get a feeling rather than a message. When I do try to add detail I don't enjoy them as much...the feeling is gone. They should be cohesive for the uninformed reader though. Im a bit selfish in that sense. Maybe its dog shit...I don't know, but I enjoy it. I'll bet she would too. Thanks for reading Dovina.
on Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic
1 Nov 2006, 10:32 PM
Reminds me of Hunter Thompson for some reason. Throw in some mention of ether and you'll be the next gonzo journallist.
replying on Still by half.italian
31 Oct 2006, 11:20 AM
Tastes are 'correct' if they are in line with mine. :) Probably shouldnt have used correct back to back like that.