Re: Billy Collins by INTRANSIT	3-Aug-08/12:18 PM
Great poem.
Re: Cinematic Indulgence by nentwined	25-Jul-08/8:00 PM
I like everything except from "plot" to "fans". It has a great beat.
Re: On Clipped Wings by Viirin	4-May-08/8:31 PM
I would suggest trying to take out 90% of the "he"s in the poem. Each time, try to find a different way to approach the line/stanza. For example: """ He takes off, exhilarated. Cutting wind with feathery knives only to rest after exhausting the morning's meal. """ The above is not quite right, but you can see what I'm getting at. Try to add more variation. Another thing. Usually you can find a better approach to emphasize a phrase without using punctuation. Instead of putting a word in CAPS, make the description (in lowercase) strong enough to evoke the emotion you want without caps. Good poem! ~half.italian
Re: C. by skaskowski	29-May-07/8:24 PM
The imagery and flow is magnificent. I agree with nypoet however that the self reflection stanzas should be entirely cut. They detroy everything that you build before. Keep stanzas 1,2,3,7,8,9,10 and leave the rest unchanged.
Re: a comment on Altitude by half.italian	10-May-07/8:38 PM
Ever done acid?
Re: Final Moon by Caducus	5-May-07/11:46 AM
I like some of the images, but they don't really join into a whole. Is this love? "surgeons on my father" says gentle to me, which is what I think you are going for. At the same time, the image of surgeons on my father reminds me of blood and sickness, rather than love. What are "English" hands? "slave", "voil", "blinded", "average" All those words in this poem just confuse me.
Re: Beetles by cheese.doodles	5-May-07/11:30 AM
Beatles Brothers making music that ignites souls Teaching us of love, peace, and Drugs.
Re: Lustlets of longing by bharat shekhar	5-May-07/11:18 AM
Delicious.
Re: Breath by thetrev	28-Apr-07/7:13 PM
I think you are trying tooo hard.
Re: requiem for the dead generation by Prince of Void	28-Apr-07/7:12 PM
No poem shall go uncommented!
Re: new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	28-Apr-07/7:10 PM
Bare.
Re: Jealousy by Person	24-Apr-07/1:08 AM
Haikus are not short enough.
Re: Vesuvius by Frizz	24-Apr-07/1:07 AM
I like alot of this, but you should work out the words a bit more in places I think. These two lines broke me from the read "How Stalin was one fucked-up looney." and "We thought nuclear weaponry was fun and amazing," There's always a place for a good "fuck", but it just cheapens your poem here. There are rarely good places for "fun" or "amazing" in poetry. "acidic reality" is a bit easy too. It also doesn't come around to the punchline smoothly. Maybe another stanza before, or just flesh out the Hiromshima stanza to bring it home. I really like: "Red went with blue and white, And I desperately wanted to be Chinese,"
Re: Rap? Hip-hop? What has this thing become? by DreamerSupreme	24-Apr-07/12:50 AM
Normally the title would turn me off from this. Maybe I'm just in the right mood, but I can see this as a song. A good mix of street and smart.
Re: Makin' Bacon by NICKDRP	19-Apr-07/7:16 PM
Kinda reminds me of a Dr. Suess.
Re: Always there by holliebollie_19	19-Apr-07/7:11 PM
Kinda nice.
Re: Pink BAlls by EAger to Offend	19-Apr-07/7:08 PM
7 for the laugh.
Re: The Corner Tavern by jessicazee	18-Apr-07/1:18 PM
I see it.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	12-Apr-07/12:30 AM
I actually like the smut factor. :) In fact, the words "planting" and "birthing" grounded me from my fantasy for a moment. With or without...sexy poem.
Re: Tribeca by Dovina	11-Apr-07/1:13 AM
Think about changing the end of stanza 4. I have a picture in my head until those last two lines, and there it's disrupted. It makes sense, sensically, it just draws me out for some reason. Cool poem.