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Cinematic Indulgence (Free verse) by nentwined Five miles of desert, prepped
carefully, swept, kept
smooth and "Hollywood"; clouds
seeded by the very best
for a two hour, one-take, no-cut
down-pour of action
packed
walking amidst the rain; plot
to be ret-conned in, explained
by fans.
Failure will be lemonade; drunk deeply
with a twist of gin: sabotage could
very well make
the film.
Up the ladder:
Sylvania Wilderness
Down the ladder:
Paris, 1934
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Posted: July 20, 2008 2:03 PM PDT; Last modified: July 20, 2008 2:03 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.357609 Overall Rank: 3359 Comments:
Pretty good flow but ending too soon.
Thanks :)
Any thoughts on where else you would have liked to see it go, or questions you would have liked answered?
Pardon my butting in, but it really ought to go somewhere beyond "failure" in the last verse. For starters dump the two semicolons and the quotes, also the colon. Cool if you're making movies now; if so, a bit more process please.
No not really. Might take me anywhere as long as the flow is good.
I like everything except from "plot" to "fans". It has a great beat.
Ah... it's good to read something that stirrs the beast. Nine again.
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I love the skipping beat. It gives the poem a sort of it-might-be-meaningful-but-who-cares feel, almost childish. Makes me think you're the sort of person who says "dah-ling" to everyone you meet.