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Cinematic Indulgence (Free verse) by nentwined
Five miles of desert, prepped carefully, swept, kept smooth and "Hollywood"; clouds seeded by the very best for a two hour, one-take, no-cut down-pour of action packed walking amidst the rain; plot to be ret-conned in, explained by fans. Failure will be lemonade; drunk deeply with a twist of gin: sabotage could very well make the film.

Up the ladder: Paris, 1934
Down the ladder: Take My Chances

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 5.357609
Overall Rank: 3306
Posted: July 20, 2008 2:03 PM PDT; Last modified: July 20, 2008 2:03 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 81.158.152.41 | 21-Jul-08/3:10 AM | Reply
How quickly can you recite this?

I love the skipping beat. It gives the poem a sort of it-might-be-meaningful-but-who-cares feel, almost childish. Makes me think you're the sort of person who says "dah-ling" to everyone you meet.
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 87.209.75.3 | 22-Jul-08/1:18 PM | Reply
Pretty good flow but ending too soon.
[n/a] nentwined @ 98.148.139.252 > Dental Panic | 22-Jul-08/3:51 PM | Reply
Thanks :)

Any thoughts on where else you would have liked to see it go, or questions you would have liked answered?
[7] Dovina @ 68.183.245.143 > nentwined | 23-Jul-08/4:16 PM | Reply
Pardon my butting in, but it really ought to go somewhere beyond "failure" in the last verse. For starters dump the two semicolons and the quotes, also the colon. Cool if you're making movies now; if so, a bit more process please.
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 87.209.75.3 > nentwined | 5-Aug-08/3:19 PM | Reply
No not really. Might take me anywhere as long as the flow is good.
[7] half.italian @ 76.172.228.248 | 25-Jul-08/8:00 PM | Reply
I like everything except from "plot" to "fans". It has a great beat.
[9] Don-Quixote @ 76.254.27.93 | 29-Jul-08/5:47 PM | Reply
Ah... it's good to read something that stirrs the beast. Nine again.
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