| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Words (Free verse) by Celticai A picture paints a thousand words
A word endeavours to encapsulate an action, an emotion, a noun
Yet verbosity doesnât always cut it
That sword can either be swift and merciful
Or a slow bludgeoning to death.
Iâm trying to paint a picture of my thoughts
Depict the prose of my life
The melody, essence and rhythm.
Iâm striving to capture the correct word
Desperate to portray my mind
The Sweat, blood and tears
Easing a ravaged soul
The words, strokes, dots and dashes
the spaces, pauses
Time defined by grammar
Breathing defined by punctuation
life defined By description
Up the ladder:
Waking Up
Down the ladder:
Stories Of Our Lives
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Posted: October 13, 2008 10:40 PM PDT; Last modified: October 13, 2008 10:40 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.357609 Overall Rank: 3354 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[9]
Bethy @ 165.154.46.134
|
14-Oct-08/8:15 AM
|
Reply
get out of my head...lol...very good
There's a lot here, some I'd like to see plumbed more deeply, some could well be spun off into its own ruminations ((striving to capture the correct word could be a novel, I think; then, I didn't get enough sleep last night))
The flow feels more like you're trying to find the poem (which is how I tend to write, myself, so maybe I'm reading too much into that). As it stands, I find it too clunky. But lots of promise.
You seem groping for the perfect set of words. Much luck! Starting with a cliche is not a good start. "Desperate to portray my mind" is.
I'm glad that people have found this poem difficult to read.. that was the purpose! lol It was supposed to demonstrate a process rather than a product.
180 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
