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Vesuvius (Free verse) by Frizz
I used to think that communism was evil.
But that was back when
McCarthy was just a name,
Red went with blue and white,
And I desperately wanted to be Chinese,
So I could have straight silky hair.
I think I know more now.
I think I know that communism was a dream
That was good. Sweet milk, in a fertile valley
Curdled by our acidic reality.
I think I know more. How Lenin
Should be remembered a hero.
How Mao turned red into evil,
How Stalin was one fucked-up looney.
But we thought we knew we were safe in America,
We thought we would never suffer from Hiroshima,
We thought nuclear weaponry was fun and amazing,
But thatâs what the Greeks thought of Vesuvius.
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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.928861
Overall Rank: 9285
Posted: April 23, 2007 6:45 PM PDT; Last modified: April 23, 2007 6:45 PM PDT
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Comments:
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There's always a place for a good "fuck", but it just cheapens your poem here. There are rarely good places for "fun" or "amazing" in poetry. "acidic reality" is a bit easy too.
It also doesn't come around to the punchline smoothly. Maybe another stanza before, or just flesh out the Hiromshima stanza to bring it home.
I really like:
"Red went with blue and white,
And I desperately wanted to be Chinese,"