Re: You by amanda_dcosta	16-Apr-07/6:09 PM
i cannot see any reason why this line should read as such: "new doors He opens" there is no rhyme that it is matching up with, but the effect of the flow is rather devastating. perhaps rework it to a more "normalized" sytax?
Re: Sarah Hine's Cries by rahson_s	15-Aug-06/12:18 PM
for the heroine and the poetic justice (pun intended), a 10. the poem could be more powerful. as it stands, the story is stronger than the presentation.
Re: Southern Baptist Redneck Song by Edna Sweetlove	26-Jun-06/9:13 AM
dunno, paw. kinna make thunk this edna is pickin on all the good folk livin' south of the mason dixon line. does edna ever write anything BUT satire?
Re: My secret to life by amanda_dcosta	23-Jun-06/12:24 PM
i will refrain from voting due to the subject itself, one that i am 1) ot qualified to discuss due to a lack of knowledge and, 2) because i am still skeptical of the "story" of jesus. somehow this seems like it would be written in one of those inspirational cards i always manage to stumble upon when card shopping for birthday/holiday occasions. i guess they just come off a little forced to me, or maybe i am just too cynical to get the "inspiration". the meter is consistent, but the message seems a little over-repetitive (but not too much so). i don't think it matters if there is a rhyme scheme. however, if you rhyme one verse and then switch back to non-rhyming and then rhyme again, it is a little distracting. i found myself trying to think of alternate words/phrases instead of just reading... i would suggest a strong rhyme pattern or none at all, especially with a strong tempo.
Re: a comment on Dear George Bush by scitz	21-Jun-06/7:38 AM
" how soon before one of your slutty popstars pops Prince William's cherry." then they can have their own version of "slick willy"! wooo!
Re: a comment on Dear George Bush by scitz	21-Jun-06/7:37 AM
spot on, good chap. a jolly good rip at the lousy limey! his commentary was a rather riotous read, eh?
Re: a comment on All Hail! All Hail! America The Golden! by Edna Sweetlove	21-Jun-06/6:52 AM
you may enjoy this: http://www.kottke.org/05/02/loo-etymology
Re: All Hail! All Hail! America The Golden! by Edna Sweetlove	21-Jun-06/6:49 AM
it is a "loo" or a "watercloset", you dung encrusted farthole. a lavatory is a handwashing sink. otherwise, i totally agree with your... poem? sadly, my passport says i am american but i am none of the perfectly described things you listed here. those are the people who elected the hairy bush. bravo. funny you omitted the part about how old george (i mean king george) wanted to hang onto those uncouth colonies... he sure did want all the timber. sadly, the very bastards that were transported trounced the silly stiffnecked redcoats soundly enough to send them packing their heds up their asses before they hopped back across the grey atlantic. (notice the correct spelling of grey).
Re: a comment on slice of moonlight by lmp	20-Jun-06/8:19 AM
<smile> thanks, it was written straight from my own. nothing like parenthood...
Re: a comment on slice of moonlight by lmp	20-Jun-06/8:18 AM
thanks. glad you enjoyed. now go write one! :)
Re: Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove	19-Jun-06/8:30 AM
actually, i fnd this to be a pretty good piece. why didn't you have a lot of fun with the whole american colonies thing? love the sarcastic sentiment.
Re: a comment on 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	16-Jun-06/8:49 AM
fuck you, pisslove. anyone who laughs at another person getting killed is a complete waste of matter. laugh at the bonehead who ordered them over there and refuses to bring them back no matter how badly his plan fails, but do not laugh at the guys who get killed on all sides of this debacle. the whole thing makes me so pissed off and you just drew attention to yourself (as you so intended). this attention you crave has now put you in the crosshairs of my fury so bear up, bitch. if you want to laugh at the US, go ahead. just remember that you'd probably be speaking german right now if we had not helped you lot out. guess maybe you're just sour because the USA is a reminder of another colony lost? yank this, you bloody pissant wanker.
Re: The Runt by Caducus	13-Jun-06/7:04 AM
a harsh topic but very well written . well, that's life, i guess... like the use of color and element: "blue montage of sulphur" and also the "bowl headed woman" (reference to her haircut?). "growling wind of ash" is again a fitting description. i guess you also illustrate a pretty interesting point about parents who want their kids to witness the "miracle of birth" by having a littler of puppies. sure, if everything goes well it can be a great experience (or maybe even still it can be traumatic). but if it doesn't, then how do you explain? especially if the parent has a hard time of it? i am presuming this was written from personal experience?
Re: a comment on Won’t Somebody Be My Friend by amanda_dcosta	13-Jun-06/6:49 AM
no offense taken for the bottle, now that you have clarified. :) again i will say that i think that your sentiment is dead on; it is the way that you have portrayed the story that brings down your very good idea. this can be reworked or even re-written in an entirely new work. i don't mean to discourage my any means. in fact, a poem about your expereinces with the old woman at the church would be an excellent piece to read. and you could still make the point that you are making in this piece, but from another angle; it may even be more powerful. regarding the "help yourself"... it is not simply education or inherent opportunity that i believe in. it is spirit. those who are not the entitled, not the brightest, not the physically strong, can still persevere as long as they have the spirit to do so. one whose spirit has been quashed has but two options: give up or persevere. if one is to be beaten, defying defeat is the most triumphant thing a being can do. at least i think so.
Re: a comment on Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof	9-Jun-06/2:06 PM
i think between works better. unless the cubject is very dehaydrated/skinny, we would not really see the ribs, but the mark between them would indicate the heart's location. through the ribs would be a severe mark indeed, maybe moreso than is neccessary to convey a subtle flaw.
Re: Split Me by Sunny	9-Jun-06/2:03 PM
i believe this is about grief... and they way a simple image that distracts you from the humdrum of everyday life will allow the carefully maintained and taut facade of composure to crumble... about the relief of grieving, the release of the pain and anguish. i would guess (from the impression of the dandelion "manna") that the loss was a child dying or maybe only departing home, off to create their own life beyond your ability to control. you only have faith that they will succeed or will rest in peace. poignant. well written. excellently composed. great transitions. 9.
Re: a comment on Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof	9-Jun-06/1:47 PM
that is what i got from it too, so i guess the poem hits the mark, so to speak.
Re: Your Great by scitz	9-Jun-06/12:45 PM
u gotta do this in 733t, dude.
Re: a comment on Prelude to Infidelity (edited) by Caducus	9-Jun-06/12:13 PM
in retrospect, the title is a little misleading. not actually a "prelude" is it? i mean, you were already "doused by her bleached meat" (unless i misread that line).
Re: Prelude to Infidelity (edited) by Caducus	9-Jun-06/12:11 PM
wow. a chilling tale, actually. nicely written.