replying on Bitter by Ranger
7 Jun 2007, 3:42 PM
...and that in spite of two -0- votes. heh
replying on Barking Bargain by Dovina
7 Jun 2007, 3:38 PM
I *have* biked some pretty decent hills, but not in Ked-n-tucky or Kentucky either. also have fled more than a few doggies that saw my calves like something out of a old Bugs Bunny cartoon: roast poultry riding a bike. i suppose that's the advantage of the old 2 foot bike pumps instead of these little 6 inch ones they make these days; they used to make a pretty decent baton across a would-be biter's snout.
you are correct about my solution not fixing the problem, and the issue is being overwrought, flogged, and re-hashed overmuch. i do look forward to the upcoming works in this series.
you are correct about my solution not fixing the problem, and the issue is being overwrought, flogged, and re-hashed overmuch. i do look forward to the upcoming works in this series.
on The Equalizer by Skamper
5 Jun 2007, 3:04 PM
meh. sounds like something that i read about (Philosopher's quandry or something like that):
safer to believe in god just in case there is a heaven.
safer to believe in god just in case there is a heaven.
on Jade Milieu by Enkidu
5 Jun 2007, 2:49 PM
really like this one. captures the sentiment very well
on Barking Bargain by Dovina
5 Jun 2007, 1:52 PM
I caught on immediately that you may be writing a series... are they all going to be "over-the-hill" plots, or will things change by the time the great prarie land opens before those handlebars? (not really asking for spoilers.)
i agree with Ranger; this does seem a bit overstated and bulky for the subject. there are several parts that are awkward to read and follow.
the closing stanza, while it is clear what the intent was, could be misread as richa pointed out. the dog did not come out for a loss, so perhaps it should read:
"which loss was greater - that which he sought
or that which he refused."
i do look forward to more in this series and it seems you have a long road ahead if the pace that has been set stays even.
i agree with Ranger; this does seem a bit overstated and bulky for the subject. there are several parts that are awkward to read and follow.
the closing stanza, while it is clear what the intent was, could be misread as richa pointed out. the dog did not come out for a loss, so perhaps it should read:
"which loss was greater - that which he sought
or that which he refused."
i do look forward to more in this series and it seems you have a long road ahead if the pace that has been set stays even.
on Mouth full of Posion by VioletSuccubus
5 Jun 2007, 10:02 AM
almost a pimple. is there a blackhead category?
on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina
5 Jun 2007, 9:59 AM
moo-ving right along...
i was thinking that the cyclist, distracted by an internal reverie about cows, was forgetting to keep an eye on the edge of the pavement and there is a big heavy truck that may be running them off the road. i almost felt a bit of an anticlimax at the end when the truck gets fogotten about and the rider simply keeps pedalling on.
nice imagery though, agree with previous comments about the "forty shades of souther green". in fact i think the last four lines of stanza one are nice all on their own.
i was thinking that the cyclist, distracted by an internal reverie about cows, was forgetting to keep an eye on the edge of the pavement and there is a big heavy truck that may be running them off the road. i almost felt a bit of an anticlimax at the end when the truck gets fogotten about and the rider simply keeps pedalling on.
nice imagery though, agree with previous comments about the "forty shades of souther green". in fact i think the last four lines of stanza one are nice all on their own.
smashing, a nice melancholy, bitter (to be sure, an apt title IMHO), ballad. I know it may not really be a ballad, but it hints at some love lost, even if the sentiment is no longer "full of love".
i must agree with nypoet about the last line; "to die in her degree" does not have the weight and finality of "with no road back to me". after all, that is what he is bitter about: she left and did not come back, not so much that she died. :P
i must agree with nypoet about the last line; "to die in her degree" does not have the weight and finality of "with no road back to me". after all, that is what he is bitter about: she left and did not come back, not so much that she died. :P
on Never Still by Skamper
5 Jun 2007, 9:09 AM
also, lines 15 & 16 are a bit out of synch somehow.
if the meaning is that she defies the devil's will by haunting her lover to ease his pain, you may want to pull the thoughts together by losing the dash in line 15. a period at the end of line 14 would also help, as would beginning line 15 with "the". line 16 might complete the image a bit by replacing "to etch the light" with "etching the light".
like the dark sentiment; "brood" is one of my favorite dark verbs. still trying to piece together how her lover was scorned exactly, but i can dream up any number of treacheries/betrayals...
if the meaning is that she defies the devil's will by haunting her lover to ease his pain, you may want to pull the thoughts together by losing the dash in line 15. a period at the end of line 14 would also help, as would beginning line 15 with "the". line 16 might complete the image a bit by replacing "to etch the light" with "etching the light".
like the dark sentiment; "brood" is one of my favorite dark verbs. still trying to piece together how her lover was scorned exactly, but i can dream up any number of treacheries/betrayals...
on Never Still by Skamper
5 Jun 2007, 9:01 AM
line 8 - i belive you may mean to say "bear her soul away", but if you meant "bare her soul, away from land" you'd need to break the two thoughts apart (maybe with the comma).
still cogitating on this one. so far i like it, but want to understand it a bit more.
still cogitating on this one. so far i like it, but want to understand it a bit more.
on Like a Whore {erotic} by sca
4 Jun 2007, 2:38 PM
rowr.
on The world's shortest poem by ALChemy
30 May 2007, 9:55 AM
just to counterbalance Edna's vote.
on Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy
27 Apr 2007, 2:52 PM
it's tweet, really. :D