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Mouth full of Posion (Free verse) by VioletSuccubus
Mouth full of posion... and still I will never forgive Even though its killing me. I will never give in. I will drink every bit. Kill me from the inside. But I will never subside. I will never bow to you... I will never kiss your feet. Look me in the eye, and I shall lie. Hold my hand, and I shall be defied. Speak to me, and I shall never reply. Mouth full of posion... and still I will never forgive Even though its killing me. I will never give in... I will never give in... I will never fuckin give in... Even though its killing me. and you will never know. I will never forgive you... I will never acknowledge you... I will never remember you... Like a mouth full of posion It begins to kill me.... You will never know that it hurts me.... for there is no expression on my face. I will never show you how hurtful you were. for that is weakness in my eyes. So I shall lie. I shall hide. You shall never know how much you hurt me inside

Up the ladder: part
Down the ladder: Last Night

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7829
Posted: May 22, 2007 6:40 PM PDT; Last modified: May 22, 2007 6:40 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 81.103.124.179 | 23-May-07/2:53 AM | Reply
The passion's there, it just needs crafting now. Work the musicality, the cadence and add a couple of killer images. If it's the Gothic you're after, aim for a Poe-style effect. Who do you read?
[6] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 | 5-Jun-07/10:02 AM | Reply
almost a pimple. is there a blackhead category?
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