poemranker ::Doubt by Dovina

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Free verse № 145851

Doubt

Member since 2004 · Posted 10 Sep 2006 · Edited 11 Sep 2006 · 5 comments

Ancient words, long preserved of God whose doubt had turned pain that what he’d made had made a flood of evil men and nagging babes. Noah was the only one, with courage stood alone. But knowing he was not alone, he worked with plan in hand. He wondered if they might be right, the mockers on the desert sand. With cypress wood, dimensions, tar, he measured, sawed, and prayed. Even when the flood subsided, Noah had his doubts. He got so drunk he cursed his son, And thought he might need help.

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5 comments

[7] nypoet22 10-Sep-06/9:35 PM Reply
i'm not seeing much beyond the biblical story here, though i like the cadence. the meter of this is interesting; every second verse is 4-3-4-3 and the others are mostly all 4's. is there a reason for this? in the first stanza i think the second line has to go, too much tell and not enough show. i like the last stanza the most.
[n/a] Dovina › nypoet22 11-Sep-06/7:38 AM Reply
I see haw it can be taken that way, and since that’s not my intent, I changed the title and the second line.
[7] nypoet22 › Dovina 3-Oct-06/7:53 PM Reply
what did you intend here? i'm guessing you wanted to discuss the your own sense of doubt through noah's story. if that's the case, i'd suggest completely redoing the first stanza, which is far and away the weakest of the four. give your readers credit for possibly knowing the story of noah already, and use that space to form the question that the final three stanzas answer.
[n/a] Mr Pig 13-Sep-06/4:54 AM Reply
Noah played a blinder didnt he?
[7] amanda_dcosta 15-Sep-06/7:39 PM Reply
D. Not very impressiveor. I've been reading this many times to come up with something constructive... but some how can't relate to it as you might like...sorry.