Re: Unhappy Marriages by Caducus	2-Feb-06/8:36 AM
Grammar! You attempt puncuation...get help with that. Unclear in places..."owned by leaves and wax"
Re: Unhappy Marriages by Caducus	2-Feb-06/8:37 AM
This has some great moments...keep working on it.
Re: Even the elephants by ecargo	2-Feb-06/8:42 AM
...and hide like the sky? Consider dropping one of the 'hard' (at eyes, IMO) 3rd. stanza a little bit uncomfortable in rythm. I like this...just needs a tweak.
Re: A Cleansing Of Creeds by Caducus	2-Feb-06/8:54 AM
The first 2 stanza seem like you were going to write something else...seems disconnected in style from the rest of it. This is not the first I have seen lately drawing parallels. Surprised you didn't throw Sudan into the mix, but hey, you did address this well. (I am relieved when I see other drawing the parallels, too. Gives me some sort of faith in intellegence. Basing my score on your Dropping the first two stanzas, and using them somewhere else, as they ARE rather unigue.
Re: Valentine? by celticskatermatt1	2-Feb-06/8:56 AM
LOL...God's wife...and I'm with you Nich
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Feb-06/9:03 AM
nope...I don't even know where to start...not even valguely interesting...Do you want critique? Advice? I think this would qualify for the trashcan, or save to look back on later, when you grow up. I promise you will wince at your early writing attempts. I am curious to see what others have to say about this piece, but will post and THEN go see.
Re: Les Imagistes by Nicholas Jones	2-Feb-06/9:24 AM
maybe : punctuation would make first stanza more clear?> We would call this peaceful, and it IS quiet, compared to the noise of the urban morning and the tapping of the office workers. (never mind...it doesn't work...unless you went on to say something about the false perception of feeling peaceful.(But I am in no way at peace.) at and 2nd stanza, it would need "so it isn't exactly quiet, either. at the end, to explain your 'but still'. Do you think, or do I see? You are saying you think, so drop the 'you see' in 3rd stanza. a poetics like a duck...> ? poet's, poetic's (A 'poet is' like...?)
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Feb-06/9:32 AM
Dominant minds Clash and smash against the will of Self; The gift of small concessions Even more sublime.
Re: By Request by thepinkbunnyofdoom	2-Feb-06/7:26 PM
Someone who does puncuation will probably count all those commas, and suggest a period here or there, instead...but, I'd be fine, and this would work without any punctuation at all...as the format guides italong just fine! (and thanks!)
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	2-Feb-06/7:30 PM
aww...I like this! It suprised me with where it went! The first two stanza are so strong...could stand alone and on there own just fine, IMO.
Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick	2-Feb-06/7:36 PM
I'm not sure what "I want to push you away with intent to invite" means...? that by pushing away, you know it will invite? other than that...this is cool...I like that you leave things half said...and it is not hard to deduct the rest of what is not being said. Very good.
Re: A Loud Room by MacFrantic	2-Feb-06/7:42 PM
My fav: "I crumble; dissipate in an overwhelming. There is sound and there is silence, and I dare not speak to disturb them both." Awesome, awesome, awesome!...BTW, is that correct spelling of dissipate...it looks wrong...?...LOL My least favorite:My view from near is dots Anyway, I liked this.
Re: Racial Hate by Glasseyez	2-Feb-06/7:47 PM
I like that you want to speak about this, and applaud your effort to do so...that being said...the first four lines made me think you were going to go someplace interesting with this piece...but then it got messy and didn't say anything else new or well-said. I'd say goback to the drawingtable with the first four lines in front of you...and go from there, again.
Re: Sunday Legs by D. $ Fontera	2-Feb-06/7:57 PM
The first stanza could stand alone...and stand solid, at that! It wasn't as well, pulled together, to me, after that. Very nice, all-in-all, though! It seems you just stopped, rather than ended this. "And a blouse that cuts Deep veins below your shoulders"....?
Re: Sunday Legs by D. $ Fontera	2-Feb-06/7:58 PM
Catchy Title!
Re: For such is a child’s heart by amanda_dcosta	2-Feb-06/8:01 PM
a wondrous sight < is the only thing I, personally would change. Sweet, without being candy-coated. Good job!
Re: Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo	2-Feb-06/8:16 PM
Awesome here: "Such an accidental magic to be an intimate of air, a certain hollowness of bone, wings curved like light-- each flight a prayer." I wouldn't have used the --'s I'd tweak>'like this winter sky,' and at 'Bleed red as spring', as something in there is messing with the flow alittle. I know you posted a while back, but I am tying to catch up on my reading...that said, some of what I am saying may have been already said...but I post without reading or seeing votes, that way you get my gut reaction and thoughts. I like this and would like to vote on a revised piece...it's worth a second look!
Re: the disadvantages of dropping out by FreeFormFixation	1-Mar-06/8:12 AM
OMG...chilly stuff there...with the voice of youth...
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd	1-Mar-06/8:21 AM
I post,vote, and then go read the votes and comments...that said...I'll be interested in how people took this...I never know in here! I like the last two stanzas, good rythm and they seem to form an ending to a picture of something...but the previous lines don't draw a picture or mean anything, to me, and are lacking in every way.
Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe	1-Mar-06/8:44 AM
There is a subtle flow/rythm in the language, that does not flow into the last three lines. (Dropping the A. in Dorsey's name would help; as would changing 'perpetuity'(?'time'?).The 'a' in the last line was strange to me, I'd change to: "the sweet scent of pine'. I would have shortened the syllables in line 7, by dropping 'behind & broken' and adding 'their'; or at least dropping 'broken'.It is rather long, and would work better if you tweaked the rythm within it. "peak"> peek (mispelled) (Peak> mountian peak, eagle's beak. Peek> peer, EyEs pEEk...EEK! :) IMO...