Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Unhappy Marriages (Free verse) by Caducus
The asphyxiation of marriage owned by leaves and wax. Free spirits caged on a pedestal. Ornaments routinely touched.. Some take their darkness to neon, Masque's conceal Mummies buried with treasures when they lived touch them and you're cursed. Those who wake by shells, sleep as squandered pearls. Treasures once held now buried inside by weight of salt from oval tide. Find in others what was lost, and truth removes its veil revealing your life's a lie "you may kiss the bride". Marriage is white lies in white frocks a must have accessory with twice sang hymns and rarely seen Aunties stuffing their face with pastry. I am married to God he cheats on me each day but I love each dawns gold ring he gives and that is why I stay.

Up the ladder: Dream Grower
Down the ladder: deliberate

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Weighted score: 4.970199
Overall Rank: 8475
Posted: February 2, 2006 4:02 AM PST; Last modified: February 2, 2006 4:02 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[4] LilMsLadyPoet @ 207.69.139.135 | 2-Feb-06/8:36 AM | Reply
Grammar! You attempt puncuation...get help with that.
Unclear in places..."owned by leaves and wax"
[4] LilMsLadyPoet @ 207.69.139.135 | 2-Feb-06/8:37 AM | Reply
This has some great moments...keep working on it.
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 2-Feb-06/10:07 AM | Reply
Cynicism is certainly your speciality. I don't get as much from this one as from most of your poems...there's some good lines like 'sleep as squandered pearls', but it's lacking a certain punch at the moment. I don't know...maybe I'm talking rubbish.
[7] Dovina @ 67.72.98.87 | 2-Feb-06/1:57 PM | Reply
"Free spirits caged on a pedestal" - great line.
"masques" I think you mean
"with twice sung hymns" grammar
Married to God implies a num, but the preceeding seem like a human marriage.
the title seem too descriptive, too blunt.
304 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001