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Unhappy Marriages (Free verse) by Caducus
The asphyxiation of marriage owned by leaves and wax. Free spirits caged on a pedestal. Ornaments routinely touched.. Some take their darkness to neon, Masque's conceal Mummies buried with treasures when they lived touch them and you're cursed. Those who wake by shells, sleep as squandered pearls. Treasures once held now buried inside by weight of salt from oval tide. Find in others what was lost, and truth removes its veil revealing your life's a lie "you may kiss the bride". Marriage is white lies in white frocks a must have accessory with twice sang hymns and rarely seen Aunties stuffing their face with pastry. I am married to God he cheats on me each day but I love each dawns gold ring he gives and that is why I stay.

Up the ladder: Skuld Resurrected
Down the ladder: A Dream

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Weighted score: 4.970199
Overall Rank: 8390
Posted: February 2, 2006 4:02 AM PST; Last modified: February 2, 2006 4:02 AM PST
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Comments:
[4] LilMsLadyPoet @ 207.69.139.135 | 2-Feb-06/8:36 AM | Reply
Grammar! You attempt puncuation...get help with that.
Unclear in places..."owned by leaves and wax"
[4] LilMsLadyPoet @ 207.69.139.135 | 2-Feb-06/8:37 AM | Reply
This has some great moments...keep working on it.
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 2-Feb-06/10:07 AM | Reply
Cynicism is certainly your speciality. I don't get as much from this one as from most of your poems...there's some good lines like 'sleep as squandered pearls', but it's lacking a certain punch at the moment. I don't know...maybe I'm talking rubbish.
[7] Dovina @ 67.72.98.87 | 2-Feb-06/1:57 PM | Reply
"Free spirits caged on a pedestal" - great line.
"masques" I think you mean
"with twice sung hymns" grammar
Married to God implies a num, but the preceeding seem like a human marriage.
the title seem too descriptive, too blunt.
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