poemranker ::For such is a child’s heart by amanda_dcosta

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Free verse № 137793

For such is a child’s heart

by amanda_dcosta

Member since 2005 · Posted 29 Jan 2006 · 6 comments

The children play, they’re in the field. Smiles on their faces, innocence. All nature stops to watch and see Such joy, such fun, such radiance! For such is a child’s heart. They toss the ball, beckon and call Each other funny names, while The sunshine bright, a wondrous sight Wants to join in their games. For such is a child’s heart. And when to bed tucked in at night Faces aglow, hearts satisfied, Creator God smiles radiantly On such pure childhood ecstasy. For such is a child’s heart.

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mean 6.60 weighted 5.19 rank 4707 views 280 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

6 comments

[7] Ranger 29-Jan-06/3:58 AM Reply
Personally I'd change the first line, give it a little more lyricism; this is a nice enough piece, but read out loud it is somewhat too bulky (for me, anyway). There's definitely potential here, I just feel it needs a couple of edits while being read aloud.
[n/a] amanda_dcosta › Ranger 29-Jan-06/9:24 PM Reply
Thanks Ranger. I did write this about three to four times, revising the paras till what its turned out. But have to admit, didn't change the first line. Didn't give that a second thought. Probably that was because that was what gave me the rest of the poem. About it being too bulky, is it, really? Didn't think so. Anyhow, shall give it another thought, though I might not post it here. Thanks.
[9] ALChemy 29-Jan-06/5:34 AM Reply
Change the first line to: "The children play in the field."
[n/a] amanda_dcosta › ALChemy 29-Jan-06/9:19 PM Reply
And then you'd give me a -10-? ha ha ..Just kidding! Thanks Alchemy.
[9] LilMsLadyPoet 2-Feb-06/8:01 PM Reply
a wondrous sight < is the only thing I, personally would change.
Sweet, without being candy-coated. Good job!
[n/a] amanda_dcosta › LilMsLadyPoet 2-Feb-06/9:53 PM Reply
Somehow the sunshine isn't doing a good job. I might have to fire him. I'll give him a couple of day's notice and then find him a replacement. Anybody in mind to fill his seat? :-)