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For such is a childâs heart (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta The children play, theyâre in the field.
Smiles on their faces, innocence.
All nature stops to watch and see
Such joy, such fun, such radiance!
For such is a childâs heart.
They toss the ball, beckon and call
Each other funny names, while
The sunshine bright, a wondrous sight
Wants to join in their games.
For such is a childâs heart.
And when to bed tucked in at night
Faces aglow, hearts satisfied,
Creator God smiles radiantly
On such pure childhood ecstasy.
For such is a childâs heart.
Up the ladder:
Jimmy and Chichi Choo (Sub-Dylan Bullshit Blues)
Down the ladder:
happy birthday
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6
Posted: January 29, 2006 1:29 AM PST; Last modified: January 29, 2006 1:29 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.190725 Overall Rank: 4681 Comments:
[7]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
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29-Jan-06/3:58 AM
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Reply
Personally I'd change the first line, give it a little more lyricism; this is a nice enough piece, but read out loud it is somewhat too bulky (for me, anyway). There's definitely potential here, I just feel it needs a couple of edits while being read aloud.
[n/a]
amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.44
> Ranger
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29-Jan-06/9:24 PM
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Reply
Thanks Ranger. I did write this about three to four times, revising the paras till what its turned out. But have to admit, didn't change the first line. Didn't give that a second thought. Probably that was because that was what gave me the rest of the poem. About it being too bulky, is it, really? Didn't think so. Anyhow, shall give it another thought, though I might not post it here. Thanks.
Change the first line to: "The children play in the field."
And then you'd give me a -10-? ha ha ..Just kidding! Thanks Alchemy.
a wondrous sight < is the only thing I, personally would change.
Sweet, without being candy-coated. Good job!
Somehow the sunshine isn't doing a good job. I might have to fire him. I'll give him a couple of day's notice and then find him a replacement. Anybody in mind to fill his seat? :-)
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