poemranker ::Your Mom, My Dad by jessicazee

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Free verse № 124115

Your Mom, My Dad

Member since 2002 · Posted 27 Apr 2005 · 2 comments

Your mom drew lines on the vodka bottle but we re-filled it with water, the first time you threw up it was all Tootsie Rolls, Southern Comfort, cat hair on my dad’s black Miami Vice cardigan, his mustache was Rollie Fingers, his little comb matched his white woven sandals… Yes, it was true my dad was a cop, a detective, your mom worked in the tallest building in Racine, a secretary, her words, her red Chevy Nova a testament to something, tenacity, both of them in courtrooms built the years of their births, one marriage strong, another broken, bittered, elevators meaning so many things, symbols of daughters trying to make friends, shedding hand-me-down clothes, tears.

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mean 6.60 weighted 5.19 rank 4685 views 233 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

A favorite of zodiac.

2 comments

[7] ChaseValentine 27-Apr-05/2:58 PM Reply
I really like this. This has the nice intimate touches that all poems should have. But what I got lost in was the (I assume intentional) rambling structure.

For instance, when I first read "the first time you threw up it was all Tootsie Rolls/Southern Comfort/cat hair," I read it as one unbroken thought, which made me wonder why someone would be throwing up cat hair.
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom 27-Apr-05/10:23 PM Reply
The line breaks could be better.