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Your Mom, My Dad (Free verse) by jessicazee
Your mom drew lines on the vodka bottle but we re-filled it with water, the first time you threw up it was all Tootsie Rolls, Southern Comfort, cat hair on my dad’s black Miami Vice cardigan, his mustache was Rollie Fingers, his little comb matched his white woven sandals… Yes, it was true my dad was a cop, a detective, your mom worked in the tallest building in Racine, a secretary, her words, her red Chevy Nova a testament to something, tenacity, both of them in courtrooms built the years of their births, one marriage strong, another broken, bittered, elevators meaning so many things, symbols of daughters trying to make friends, shedding hand-me-down clothes, tears.

Up the ladder: No-Strings
Down the ladder: Picking Up Sins

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6
Weighted score: 5.190725
Overall Rank: 4725
Posted: April 27, 2005 12:44 AM PDT; Last modified: April 27, 2005 12:44 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] ChaseValentine @ 199.79.168.160 | 27-Apr-05/2:58 PM | Reply
I really like this. This has the nice intimate touches that all poems should have. But what I got lost in was the (I assume intentional) rambling structure.

For instance, when I first read "the first time you threw up it was all Tootsie Rolls/Southern Comfort/cat hair," I read it as one unbroken thought, which made me wonder why someone would be throwing up cat hair.
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.224.24.61 | 27-Apr-05/10:23 PM | Reply
The line breaks could be better.
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