| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Jan-06/5:41 AM |
Babies come from the bowels of beauty
and monsters are born from the minds of men.
But if all men start out as babies
then monsters are beauty's grandchildren.
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| Re: After Fighting (More Blood Edit) by zodiac |
27-Jan-06/9:29 AM |
You chose to use "dog" for atheism, am I right?
Has he stopped fighting yet?
I'd change lopped to lobbed.
There's nothing wrong with being atheist
as long as you're not afraid of death.
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| Re: For such is a childâs heart by amanda_dcosta |
29-Jan-06/5:34 AM |
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Change the first line to: "The children play in the field."
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| Re: Racial Hate by Glasseyez |
29-Jan-06/6:26 AM |
What color is the heart again? http://tuberose.com/Graphics/Bypass%20surgery1.gif
Blood is red usually but of different shades.
If you think I'm nitpicking you're right, which is my point. Although yes we are the same on a grander scale, we are also different in little ways. We have evolved to become sensetive to these tiny differences so that we can better identify each other(so you don't go hugging every old man you see on the street and calling him grandpappy). Racism is just an unfortunate biproduct of an essential evolutionary trait. Maybe if geneticists learn how to turn blacks white or whites black then we'll all be better off but I doubt it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Jan-06/7:27 AM |
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Word on the street is in a little known book called "Brando Unzipped" there is a picture of him smoking a big fat cigar, and by "cigar" I mean "black cock".
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| Re: How small, this sleeping tiger by ecargo |
29-Jan-06/11:08 AM |
Yes and please check out my poem "Penny Loafer Blues".
Your poems good but it feels like it needs more, like it's just getting started.
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| Re: midnight feast by pollywolly |
29-Jan-06/12:20 PM |
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Much like ecargo's tiger poem, your's starts something very interesting but it seems like it wnts to tell us more.
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| Re: Sunday Legs by D. $ Fontera |
29-Jan-06/12:31 PM |
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"Your hair sideways like conch-shell swirls" is a great line. Get at least two more lines like that and it's an automatic 10 from me.
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| Re: Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo |
29-Jan-06/12:39 PM |
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What's the -- after "light" for?
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| Re: Rain by dancin_n_da_moonlite |
29-Jan-06/12:47 PM |
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Considerate of you to stop before Davey asked Katie for a BJ. I kinda like this though, really.
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| Re: Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus |
29-Jan-06/12:56 PM |
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There is something horrific about childrens stories that you only discover as an adult. There's a little too much of a gap between images and the last stanza comes across as a shock gimmick.
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| Re: Untouchable by rahson_s |
29-Jan-06/1:07 PM |
"Loves to be fucked by angry young men
and wants to be loved by daddyâs best friend."-by me.
She'll grow out of you and leave you, I promise.
It's just the way it is.
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| Re: Blackbird & the Everlasting Dream by Ranger |
29-Jan-06/2:06 PM |
Better than Paul McCartney's version.
Once during one of those erie calms before the storm I stood on my porch watching a large flock of them spiraling a tunel in the grey-blue sky. Like shadows, like dark angels forming a vortex as if it were a passage to some demonic yet magnificent otherworld.
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| Re: yo yo yo, ride by FreeFormFixation |
30-Jan-06/10:08 AM |
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This would be a ten if it made a little more sense.
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| Re: necrobos by baphomet |
30-Jan-06/10:14 AM |
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What is with all these Humbert Humberts coming here?
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| Re: Time, Indeterminate by ecargo |
30-Jan-06/12:18 PM |
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At first I thought he was in a submarine. The whale and the name Zeppelin('cause they're shaped like a sub) is what led me to go there. But by the end I was pretty sure he was in prison. It really expresses well the loneliness of emprisonment from both points of view. Good job.
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| Re: Glitterati by ecargo |
30-Jan-06/12:27 PM |
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Something akin to Torch Song Trilogy me think. Nice meloncholy.
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| Re: The Book of Images by Dovina |
31-Jan-06/2:56 PM |
I would rather you work these images into a story or into something about yourself than just list them. You could have shown how the images reflect off each other. Like Abraham seeing the ram with his head stuck in the thicket and Christ with his crown of thorns.
It was still well worth the read though.
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| Re: Les Imagistes by Nicholas Jones |
1-Feb-06/5:09 AM |
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Your proposed method seems less like a duck on a frozen lake and more like a duck shot by a Duck-shot shell.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Feb-06/5:22 AM |
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The 25 "I"s and 23 "you"s not to mention the umpteen "my"s and "yours" have numbed my senses to anything important that your poem has to say.
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