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Rain (Free verse) by dancin_n_da_moonlite "Do you want to go outside Katie?"
"But it's raining, Davey."
"But do you want to go outside Katie?"
"Okay Davey."
"Do you feel the rain Katie?"
"Why wouldn't I Davey? "
"But do you feel the rain Katie?"
"Not really, Davey."
"Do you know why it rains Katie?'
"Well they taught us in science Davey."
"But do you know why it rains Katie?"
"I guess not, Davey."
"Do you want to stay out here forever, Katie?"
"I have things to do, Davey."
"But do you want to stay out here forever Katie?"
"Yes, I really do, Davey."
Up the ladder:
My Thoughts
Down the ladder:
Back to reality
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: January 15, 2005 4:23 PM PST; Last modified: January 24, 2006 11:00 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.094852 Overall Rank: 6143 Comments:
Yes, I understand Katie. It's how I answer his questions, then re-answer when he asks again. Nicely done.
I'm hearing an audience again.
And their laughing. Dunno if it's at me. But they are.laughing. :-/
um.....okay then.......i didnt hear it (?)
so, yeah........well................now that it is established noone was trying to be mean........maybe i will read some of your poetry posted somtime.........im 15 by the way.........and have only been writing since.....thanksgiving......but have written 59 poems to date......since then -mega
I'm only laughing at myself, the fact that I have been in Katie's place and answered a man as she answered. The best thing about a poem is to find myself in it.
quotation marks like odd raindrops, which is cool. Unfortunately, I voiced the poem with the dog from that very odd religious claymation show "Davey and Goliath".
one part: thanx
one part: ummmmmmm okay then.......? -mega
okay,
I wish you would not recycle all of your poems in one day. Give us a break!
Looks are deceiving.
Considerate of you to stop before Davey asked Katie for a BJ. I kinda like this though, really.
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If it had more of a point. Maybe.
And if their is. I don't see it.
But I liked the way you wrote it. And what you used to make it so alternative.
So despite its lack in... reason. and. the why'ness.
Your creative bland Davey and Katie make up for it.
It's just so. Weird.
This style is sort of bad. I mean. Good for like. two stanza's ...and then use something different from then on, after the two stanza's...
Because you can basically PREDICT what Davey's going to say.
And that's just boring as hell.
~pity~
-mega
Don't get pissed at me or pity ME because your poem is predictable.
I was just sharing the thought so you might can work on it in the future?
It's rare that I actaully try to help here.
Think of it as a compliment that I share my thoughts.
Don't get pissed and say I can't look at anything deeply.
I'm a fucking teenager. I'm supposed to find everything deeply. And sad. And shit.
I was just... suggesting. :)
-mega
p.s.--------hope i didn't come of, as a total bitch -- ya know
I'm fourteen. Been here, sending crappy poetry as I write them, since 2003. I have way more. But just the sight of them will sting the most unpenetrable eyes.
I've gotten my share of mean people here. eh. It's what Poemranker is made of. *cough*Dark Angle*cough*
I'm not making this into a sorry fest.
But I wasn't trying to be mean. either.
I know a certain Angel who's done the same
I'm thinking about selling the story.