Re: Nomads by amanda_dcosta	2-Feb-06/3:21 PM
I'd like to see you get the standard Haiku down right first before you mess too much with other forms. You're getting much closer.
Re: Even the elephants by ecargo	2-Feb-06/3:33 PM
Such a good concept. It needs more details. Paint us a vivid scene and then reveal their doom at the end and it will probably pack a bigger punch.
Re: Whales in Gastineau Channel by zodiac	3-Feb-06/11:31 AM
Sounds like you're gettin' some in Alaska.
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	3-Feb-06/11:58 AM
That's a strong ass rose. Maybe go with rosebush instead. I can't believe I'm saying this but your ending is actually not mysterious enough. Good imagery though.
Re: I'm there by amanda_dcosta	4-Feb-06/9:09 AM
Stanzas 2 and 4 are weaker and are more cliche than the other two. You should stay more with the nature theme in stanzas 2 and 4. Change "graces creep to fill" to "graces creek fills". "Creep" is just a creepy word and doesn't quite fit in with the poem. Some really great lines in this poem though.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Feb-06/4:13 PM
I searched painstakingly for hours to uncover the true meaning of this poem. After much deliberation I've come to the conclusion that this can only be about one thing and one thing only. That thing is poop.
Re: An Understanding Woman by Dovina	5-Feb-06/4:47 PM
Some men can break a woman's heart with surgical skill.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Feb-06/5:57 AM
The last line is just slightly cliche. Maybe something mor like "My heart in pursuit".
Re: Sonnet by zodiac	7-Feb-06/10:58 AM
Reminds me of Ginsberg's supermarket minus the poet comparisons.
Re: Sonnet by zodiac	7-Feb-06/11:33 AM
bazaar, urchin, clavicle, deadwood, bull's-eye, hobnailed, obsequious, argyle, newsprint, sunstruck, klar(I have no idea what that means), and buoy. Didn't Ginsberg used to do things like that, like cutting out newspaper articles for inspiration?
Re: My Father’s World by Dovina	9-Feb-06/6:02 AM
Not quite sure about the capital F in the first "Fire". If "More than you can shake a stick at" was something he said alot (which is just my hunch) then put it in quotations please. I thought it was a great sentiment and quite deep. Well expressed D.
Re: Hailing Miriam by Ranger	9-Feb-06/7:13 AM
It moves along quite swiftly or maybe that's just how I chose to read it(I don't know) but when I read it at that pace I found it quite passionate.
Re: Valentine by zodiac	13-Feb-06/8:06 PM
You've surprised me with your choice of subject. Speaking the mind of a real person you have no personal affiliation with? Dovina certainly has stamped her great influence on us all. "imagines the future like a train bearing down fast." is a great line.
Re: Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina	13-Feb-06/9:42 PM
Nice sentiment.
Re: Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina	14-Feb-06/3:55 AM
Second graders continue to use their creative and critical thinking skills during their time in ZOOM Class on Monday/Tuesday. One of the unique thinking strategies that is introduced is called SCAMPER, (Substitute, Combine, Add, Multiply, Minify, Magnify, Put to other uses, Eliminate, and Rearrange). This concept helps people of any age to think up new ways to present an idea or to solve a problem. Word choice, organization, sentence fluency, voice, and presentation styles are key components in all of the children's language arts projects. Creative stories are written in the unique pattern used by author Laura Numeroff! The children share their special places for fun, friends, relaxation, and reflection in pictures and three-liner poetry. The children also learn more about economics through the Junior Achievement program, "Our Community".
Re: What is Love? by edgar-allen-poe-rox	14-Feb-06/10:07 AM
My suggestion would be to focus on non-rhyming poems that have alot of stuff like metaphor, simile, and imagery. Read alot of poetry and books on the art of writing so that you know what the tools are and how to use them plus you'll learn what not to write like cliches for instance. Most of the people here are happy to help you so long as you're willing to except that criticism is a must for learning any type of art form. So bite your lip, learn from your mistakes and consider the advice that others give you and soon you'll surprise yourself by how good you've become. Ps. Don't call anyone names who hasn't done it to you first or soon you'll find that no one will want to read your poems. Good luck young buck.
Re: Escape by raven_the_poet	14-Feb-06/10:33 AM
Sonnets should contain at least one identifiable characteristic of a formal sonnet. See E. A. Poe Rox's poem and read the comment I left for him. Goog luck Raven. I look forward to posts from both of you. Ps. And yes I think Poe rox too.
Re: Valentine 2 by zodiac	14-Feb-06/3:49 PM
I think at your core you're a story teller. That's what you gift is. I think stories are harder than poems and story poems are the hardest to do of them all. Your poems are usually like scenes to a greater story. Both your Valentines leave us wanting more, the cop who never gets his answer, the captain that never is given a proper send off. This is the theme I get from it. Death is about what didn't happen but could have. By the way I love the differences between the two Valentines.
Re: Sonnet for Snow by ecargo	14-Feb-06/3:54 PM
Very natural in every sense.
Re: The Struggling Poet's Lament by Ranger	14-Feb-06/4:00 PM
It almost comes across as a love poem. Nice approach. Some great lines.