| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
I'm there (Other) by amanda_dcosta In the kettle of tenderness the rain sweeps
Godâs Spirit flows and blessings heap
Oneâs heart now knows no sorrow.
In the rainbow of laughter angels dance
And move about in peaceful trance
Love never sways nor falters.
In the nursery of silence graces creep
To fill the heart of the one who seeks
For quiet restful waters.
In the arms of love divine and pure
Thereâs peace and joy; my lifeâs secure.
Iâm grazing in green pastures.
Up the ladder:
corrupting me
Down the ladder:
Night Shift
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Posted: February 4, 2006 12:39 AM PST; Last modified: February 4, 2006 12:39 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.4994626 Overall Rank: 2748 Comments:
If you are like one of the sheep in Ps. 23, then I think stiking closer to that image would help. The last line and the "restful waters" line are there, but the "love never . . ." line is from Paul. On the other hand, it's pretty hard to write it better than David did.
Dovina.....kindly don't mistake this for Psalm 23. This psalm was the inspiration behind what i wrote. This beautiful psalm is an expression of david's trust in the Lord; I agree, I will never be able to write as beautifully as he did, but this poem that I wrote was an outpouring of my soul to the Lord..... it made ME feel beautiful inside.... and that's one of the reason's it's titled 'I'm there'.
bow'ls.
Stanzas 2 and 4 are weaker and are more cliche than the other two. You should stay more with the nature theme in stanzas 2 and 4.
Change "graces creep to fill" to "graces creek fills". "Creep" is just a creepy word and doesn't quite fit in with the poem. Some really great lines in this poem though.
Alchemy, as you know, the first line is stolen (I mean borrowed).And the truth is the first line of the third verse too is borrowed. I logged into a poet's help site, and there was this random pick for opening lines. I picked a couple of them and made it the structure for my poem. I also did a dive into meanings and phrases today after you adviced me to look up alternate meanings and what it might suggest. It helped, thanks. And I found out that silence induces a sense of creepiness, or that something creeps in the dark and silence. Why not turn it into something positive esp. when referred to being in a nursery ( a place where children / plants / saplings are nutured. So I thought over it and decided that graces indeed creeps up when we are 'Still' and nutured in the presence of the Lord. do I justify myself for what I wrote? I did give it a lot off thought and study. Alchemy, you were a big help. Thank you.
By the way, the rest of the stuff is totally mine.
Should have listed it as a glosa poem then so people would know the first line wasn't yours.
If you think you can turn around hundreds of years of negetive usage for the word creep then my hat is off to you.
How would I know that others haven't borrowed lines?
I like it.
278 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Thanks Paul for the review.