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How small, this sleeping tiger (Free verse) by ecargo Having frisked with hours,
batting at time
like involute dust in a sunstream
he sprawls, lolls,
small belly striped
and rippling like tall grasses.
With measured breath,
he croons of garden forays,
romps with shadows,
prowls in jungles tamed to hand.
Splayed in sleep, his paws recall
the excitement of dogs like mastodons
thundering the suburban savannahs,
and the transient wonders of birds.
Up the ladder:
glimpses
Down the ladder:
Ellis Evans: Rhyfel- War
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.777778
Posted: January 27, 2006 7:09 PM PST; Last modified: January 27, 2006 8:08 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.888889 Overall Rank: 249 Comments:
[7]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
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28-Jan-06/4:15 AM
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Reply
Yes, I like this.
Poetically speaking, this is good. It has form, unusual expression, metaphor (I think), and harks of Frost. For those reasons, I'd vote 10. But the reason I did not, and did on Elderking's recent one, is that the best poem, in my faulty opinion, is not the best written, it's the Trojan Horse that smuggles titillation into my sheltered life. Not sexual titillation necessarily, but connection with myself. Yours does that as I feel the tiger's caged existance, and I think you're hinting at more, but what?
You've got some lovely images here, a very real environment.
Somehow I have trouble imagining a cub frisking with hours, but i like batting at time. I can't understand why, but there it is. Since you change from the cub awake to asleep, maybe you should start a new stanza at 'With measured breath.' I don't understand 'tamed to hand.', or 'dogs like mastodons'(those would be some big-ass dogs). I admire the meter and the assonance of the last eight lines. They display your understanding of poetics without being over the top.
I'll vote an -8-. A nice piece to think about. the wild cat with the mastodons. Very imaginative. I've been trying to think of something different when I came across your poem. Pretty good.
Now for taking your advice,....lol... but I did. Check out my poem 'such is a child's heart'. I'd value criticism more than a vote. Do me the honors and check it out. Thanks.
Yes and please check out my poem "Penny Loafer Blues".
Your poems good but it feels like it needs more, like it's just getting started.
It's intentionally very simple (most of my stuff is). Just a cat, a moment in time, a connection with time, that's it.
Happy to check out PLB.
In this poem, I see "Monkey" - the name I gave to a kitten, found after a storm. My garden was her home and oh, she was stealth in her attack of any leaf floating by... and she could climb like a monkey, fast and furious.. and sleep with the birds in a nest (no kidding). She's an indoor cat now, but all the same hunt games in play. This is a precious poem, filled with the joy in watching the natural beauty of animals.
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