Re: Peeping Through The Window by Edna Sweetlove	16-May-06/5:34 AM
Awkward rhythm, Edna. It doesn't roll off the tongue as well as it should (for instance, you're forcing us to read "the toilet winDOW", which doesn't work).
Re: Plastic Posies by BleedingRose	16-May-06/5:30 AM
Damn. If it were me, you'd get those plastic posies stuck where the sun don't shine... but hilarious nonetheless.
Re: A Snap Shot by amanda_dcosta	16-May-06/5:27 AM
Don't I wish I was there ;-) My favorite stanzas are the first, for clarity and scene-setting, and "the sun dived in"... terrific.
Re: Twilight on the Roadside by ALChemy	16-May-06/5:08 AM
Do you know, by the last line I also had a lump in my throat. Of course the poem could be polished up a little more - poems always can, darn them! - but this is so vivid and touching that you can't help but reflect your feelings upon the reader. That's a priceless quality. -9- for emotion.
Re: To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	16-May-06/5:04 AM
What I really appreciate about your poetry, Amanda - and I think it's especially clear in this one - is the feeling of innocence and joy that radiates through. Great job, and a pleasure to read.
Re: Supposition Now by MacFrantic	16-May-06/4:57 AM
I don't get it. Written beautifully and all, but... what? Clarification would be welcome.
Re: Mannequin by Roisin	16-May-06/4:56 AM
Oh, fun. Me likee. -8- I rather enjoy the spacing, even though I don't get what it's supposed to mean... it seems rigid; I connected it to squeezing indviduals into a predetermined mold, and so it felt appropriate.
Re: The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina	16-May-06/4:52 AM
Sorry, personally I didn't care for this. It sounds a tad preachy and not original enough by far. I also found the "maybe-yes, maybe-no" rhyming distracting. Nitpick: Why does her father need to forgive her in the stanza before last? He already did in the second stanza. He even came visiting.
Re: A Sexy Crucifixion Poem by Edna Sweetlove	14-May-06/11:33 AM
Ew. That aside, I was wondering, does this poem have a point? I mean, are you actually trying to say something meaningful, apart from (the obvious) provocation for provocation's sake?
Re: You can go no further. by Dovina	9-May-06/2:24 PM
Oh, nice :-) Must have been the geometry that makes your poem so alluring at this hour. Don't you think it might make the ending more poignant if you were to change the negative last line to a positive one - something like "whether or not you could go any further"? The comparison would strengthen the message.
Re: For Thou by MacFrantic	9-May-06/1:19 PM
Unless I'm mistaken, the title whould rightly be "For Thee". And why the archaic title, but the usage of mundane 'ýou' in the body of the poem? How anachronistic ;-)
Re: Before Dinner by D. $ Fontera	7-May-06/2:20 PM
Very nice, tres kinky :-) Although on the first read, I felt that 'bone' and 'fingers' were reminiscent of a skeleton. Not sexy! BTW, "mortar", not "morter".
Re: THE HOLY NATURE by Daman	7-May-06/2:17 PM
All the spelling is excellent. You'd pass a spelling checker. You should, however, fix your grammar and use of words. I'm assuming that you're not a native English speaker and therefore will point out the main lines that should be fixed: Line 1: Nature's lap - not 'the nature'. Line 4: "The nature did plight" - meaningless. Line 7: Solitaire is a card game. You mean solitary. Line 8: "Nightingale's" Line 17: "grief", not "grieve". Most of your lines are written Yoda-style, for instance: "the feeling of joy I wondered how could nature in me create." "all my tensions in got soaked" and others. I understand that you were trying to rhyme, but rhyming should never come at the expense of clarity and correctness. Edit and post again, if you want comments.
Re: Glorious Turncoat, I Shall Return by Ranger	7-May-06/1:49 PM
I've got to admit that I figured out the concept of the poem by myself. Yay me! I did, however, had the unfair advantage of knowing what the theme was in advance :-) so I guess it doesn't count after all.. Now, the commentary: The entire poem seems to me to portray Judas favorably on all fronts. It's not Jesus who describes Judas as a caterpillar - soon to blossom into a butterfly - it's the narrator. He's referred to as 'Glorious' in the title. He'll be 'adored'. There isn't a single thing to indicate criticism, so that would be my bet. However, two disturbing references: You've got to admit that "undead tree" is creepy if you're relating to Jesus. I mean, okay, he's not dead, but why 'undead'? Bring on the zombie associations... ;-) Another thing that jarred on me is the reference to Zeus. Last time I checked, he was an extremely pagan god. I've got to wonder, why are you bringing him up at all in this religiously-themed piece? I can't imagine it was by accident... you put too much attention into underlying meaning and detail. Nitpick: It ain't a fictional dialogue between Jesus and Judas, as you said. If anything, it's a monologue in which Jesus tries to convince the silent Judas into betraying him. If Judas actually says anything, I can't see it. You get an 8 on this one for beautiful language, as ever. Didn't really identify deeply with the theme, though, as might have been expected :-)
Re: Remnants of a Lost Friday by italenrico	1-May-06/3:09 PM
This is really good, especially in that it makes its point without surrendering to cliches and tear-jerking euphemisms of suffering.
Re: Invasion by Roisin	1-May-06/3:04 PM
On the contrary, I thought 'push you away for not sitting close' was extremely clear. He's speaking in contradictions. It don't get much more contradictory than that. I didn't care for 'an enemy has permeated my mind', since in this line you're stating specifically what you succeeded in hinting at - quite well, in my opinion - throughout the entire poem. That aside, I thought it was a well-built and powerful poem; and I understood and identified with it, which is one of the trademarks of a good piece of work.
Re: Portrait Paradelle by Enkidu	1-May-06/2:48 PM
How lovely! And how hard it must have been to write. This is the first paradelle I've read. I'm glad it was a good one. I agree about the 3rd line from the end, though. 'light what grows' is awkward, so I made a valiant effort to find an alternative. It was a bitch. I came up with, 'Of each dueling spark in light, I make hearts ‘round bleeding paint, Deliver what the angst hath built.' It might fit, because in the original, the light grows. Here, it sparks into light. However, this is purely your decision. Have I said what a terrific piece this is already?
Re: slice of moonlight by lmp	1-May-06/2:38 PM
I enjoyed this as it was a very pleasant, innocent, and naturally rhymed piece. I think your boy would love you reading this to him! I know I would. Suggestions: 'your virtue i pray is never harmed.' - the meter is slightly off. Try something like 'I pray that you be never harmed', or another idea, 'Let silence softly wrap you warm'. it ain't perfect, but play with it :-)
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	1-May-06/2:29 PM
First read: I read the comments concerning therapists and patients, but I never associated the poem with either; they're far too mundane. This poem is a dream; and I read it just as though I were waking up, trying to piece together bits and pieces of an idea which was blindingly clear just the instant before I awoke. All I can recall at this moment are scattered pictures; flickering memories; a swoop in the distance. And she left me. Second read: I can see the dream interpretation theme in the first verse, particularly in the first line of every stanza. It would seem as though the first line describes a reality, and the following lines the dream. They could, in fact, be read separately and still make sense. I did however enjoy the puns, although I seriously doubt I figured them all out, though. And of course, your trademark ;-) Solid 10 for a indecently beautiful piece of work. I love a poem that makes me think. But beware of loading your stuff down with too many underlying meanings; you might be too subtle for the rest of us. :-)
Re: a comment on Lost and Found by annadoc	25-Apr-06/4:00 AM
And I was reminded of Alanis Morissette's 'Hand in My Pocket': "...I'm high but I'm grounded I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby" I must admit that the stark and cliched comparisons ("I sink and I swim", for instance, or "I'm short and I'm tall") don't seem to convey any particular meaning to me. If you were to use two words in each comparison that are not exact opposites, yet convey a subtler contrast, I feel the poem would make for a more interesting read.