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Twilight on the Roadside (Other) by ALChemy
Driving home from work once again.
Traffic slowed till it was nearly still.
A canopy of clouds cast shadows
on the deep green rolling hills.
The twilight and road dust
desaturated my view.
As fifty feet ahead cars crept
past two parked askew.
âDamned car wrecks and rubber necksâ
I was hungry and sleepy
and 70 miles from home.
Where my fiancé was waiting
with the sons I made my own.
At fifteen feet a man stepped out
His face was pale and long
His shoulders slumped
as he half heartedly waved us along
At five feet away, there on the white line
lay an empty white sneaker with laces still tied.
My throat clenched as I scrolled slowly by
The horror that was unrolling roadside.
There a broken man crouched
Over a makeshift shroud.
His jacket lay over the body
as soft as shadows of clouds.
It was the childâs foot uncovered,
(That image burned into my heart)
twisted aside, naked and tender,
like a rag doll. This body part
that not long ago belonged
To youthful vigor and vivacity.
This leg along with itâs brother
ran through yards and climbed up trees,
that dared to cross the busy highway,
that scared by sound of screeching tires,
stood frozen in that summer twilight,
Will play no more. The childâs expired
âOh god forgive us all for looking.â
For the next hour or so
I drove home those silent miles.
Leti and my boys were sleeping
So I sat on the couch a while.
Knowing, yet I couldnât imagine
The reality of what I had seen.
Surely twilight made apparitions
of things that shouldnât have been.
Before going to bed I checked the boys
The little one so serene as he slept.
I reached to shut the light when I saw
jutting out from under the covers a little footâ¦
and I wept.
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5824
Posted: July 21, 2005 6:24 AM PDT; Last modified: July 21, 2005 8:52 AM PDT
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Comments:
271 view(s)
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'desaturated' may not be the right word.
'I was' in verse 3 can go.
(That image burned into my heart)- Best, I think, to show how you feel rather than tell us.
Less vivid like diluted paint. Just trust me desaturated works. You're probably right about "I was" in verse 3. I don't really think "(That image burned into my heart)" tells you how I feel so much as tells you that I can't forget it. That image could be in my heart because I felt sad or horrified or confused or all the above. You touched on a lot of issues I had myself about this poem. Mainly I wanted to just get the story and the message out there and this was what I came up with. Once again thank you Dovina. You made some excellent points.