Re: Same old rancour (a yellow stream of consciousness) by ecargo	13-Jan-07/2:57 PM
yes, rockmage is winning. glad you're above it all -9-
Re: a comment on New Year by wilco	13-Jan-07/2:41 PM
well you started it :P
Re: New Year by wilco	13-Jan-07/7:10 AM
wasn't this poem the inspiration for 15 seconds of a 1970s sitcom?
Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	7-Aug-06/6:35 PM
this is wonderful
Re: Waves (2) by Rilke4ClosetLesbians	26-Apr-06/5:14 PM
cool
Re: Swans by Alizarin_Crimson	26-Apr-06/5:13 PM
enough 'more's? less is more
Re: The Shack by Domus	26-Apr-06/5:12 PM
this is awesome 9
Re: Background Noise by Plaidypus	26-Apr-06/5:11 PM
the shift from I to he doesn't work for me
Re: Euclidian Insanity by tryplsyted	26-Apr-06/5:10 PM
wouldn't insanity be a non-euclidean space. (sorry to be Riemann you out like this) *9
Re: hiding demon by pollywolly	26-Apr-06/5:08 PM
a typo in line 3 -'too' the repetition of 'hides' is a bit heavyhanded
Re: Goldmunds Slut Fiasco v.2 [Revised] by Y2kSlamPoet	26-Apr-06/5:07 PM
you are disgusting. *9
Re: First Warm Day on Santa Barbara Bay by Dovina	26-Apr-06/5:04 PM
aren't most waves formed relatively near the shore? but I'm no oceanographer. *8
Re: The Way of Monsters by MacFrantic	21-Apr-06/4:51 AM
'concupiscent'? ack, Latinate words are never evocative, stultifying instead. throws water on your fire . same for installing, concerning, intention etc
Re: Murder by Enkidu	15-Apr-06/8:43 AM
fantastic rhythm. almost TOO effortless
Re: The Obelisk by MacFrantic	1-Apr-06/10:59 PM
love how the last line collapses
Re: The Healing Species by Dovina	7-Jan-06/7:53 AM
love it
Re: a comment on I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp	1-Sep-05/11:44 AM
actually, I'd keep the last 'i can' too
Re: a comment on I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp	1-Sep-05/11:42 AM
delete entirely, except for the first 'i can'. makes it more vivid, action-oriented as opposed to possibility. some syllables may need to be tweaked to optimize rhythm of course
Re: I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp	1-Sep-05/10:29 AM
very funny. are all those 'i cans' really necessary? -
Re: Mystical Chinese Dragon by that_funny_girl	24-Aug-05/6:20 AM
love the beginning. but goes from charming to pretentious right around 'erudite'