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Murder (Free verse) by Enkidu
There some matter Here a limb You were his Lady Proper Prim And in that fatal moment's Cries A curséd name Releases Dies But why Unlike the others past When death was painless Noble Fast Did such a body come to rest In pieces Tattered Poorly dressed? How should warm October greet A body strewn and incomplete Upon a hill Dispersed Unfound Where breath so heaves And footsteps pound? Under shadows Fall of night The killer 'scapes the closing light Hint of unforgiving Blood Wraps the stranger Streaked with mud If there dares A soul to creep In glades of green Abysmal Deep They may find What light may show Where after Demons Angels go

Up the ladder: Green Piece
Down the ladder: My Search

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Weighted score: 5.1788044
Overall Rank: 4895
Posted: April 14, 2006 1:33 PM PDT; Last modified: April 14, 2006 1:33 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] patty t @ 70.30.214.253 | 15-Apr-06/8:43 AM | Reply
fantastic rhythm. almost TOO effortless
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.42.224 | 15-Apr-06/11:35 AM | Reply
Good. The last 2 lines clinch it.
[8] Ranger @ 86.131.54.123 | 17-Apr-06/2:02 AM | Reply
Was there a reason for capitalising 'Cries' and 'Demons'? It's not a criticism, just that neither are proper nouns, and so don't take capitalisation. Unless, of course, there's a purpose which I missed (entirely plausible).
Great flow. The opening stanza is a gripper.
I think you can get away with using the full 'escapes' (stanza 4, line 3).
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