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The Way of Monsters (Free verse) by MacFrantic When I'm destroying sunsets
I can hear the angels calling
Falling oft from lips a-drawling
Little drips and quips installing
In my mind a mindless matter
Scatters priceless indiscretion
I need mention my intention
When the wrench of my contention
Stops the fears forever turning
Burning smoke for curls concerning
Something with of which I know
The way of monsters we do row
I disguise in crowding colors
Concupiscent ghosts approaching
Broaching drams of swirling drink
Where monsters short of shadows slink
Devilish unrivaled fever
Casts a masquerade of sun
For fun and fortune's play
Melee I leave upon this day
Dismay has clasped a frozen fist
On wisps of sunset that I missed
Come now hell or come high fire
Mired in spells of spite inspired
Up the ladder:
Emotions Color Your Thoughts
Down the ladder:
Sappy Ending
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: April 19, 2006 10:34 PM PDT; Last modified: April 20, 2006 12:03 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5771 Comments:
'concupiscent'?
ack, Latinate words are never evocative, stultifying instead. throws water on your fire . same for installing, concerning, intention etc
I love the first line, but the rest of the first verse seems a little high minded for barbarians (quips and angels and the like). Maybe it's too many video games, but I wanted more violence (not necessarily overt).
Second verse--really like the "disguise in crowded colors," the swirling, shadowy melee you invoke--fire and smoke and color and movement. Good stuff, Mac. If you could bring verses one and two closer in feeling/movement, this would be ace.
"Maybe it's too many video games" - I never saw you as a gamer, ecargo...
Can't claim that I am--just a dabbler and a product of the times. ;)
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I assume this is about Vikings invading? If so, 'gears' didn't quite fit. Last line of stanza one was good, and was what first made me think of Vikings - then the drink and the fever.
In stanza one I felt that the non-rhmying lines were too slow for the quick, rhymed triplets. And I would have preferred for stanza 2 to follow the same scheme, but I'm not complaining too much.