Re: Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey	27-Nov-06/2:50 PM
I agree with Ranger on the "do"s. I think you could make both of them "shall". The rhythm is good in all but Line 13. Try "And as this quarrel now ends, my tears shall run."
Re: Raising the nap by howl	26-Nov-06/6:12 PM
"pushes it forward" in the first verse tells me to stop reading. The idea isn't bad, but too many words and discontinuous thought.
Re: a comment on Instruction by Dovina	26-Nov-06/6:05 PM
I know the grammar of that line is awful. Hoping the thought isn’t. Thanks.
Re: Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	26-Nov-06/6:04 PM
Mystically sullen. Kudos for complicity.
Re: a comment on Instruction by Dovina	26-Nov-06/5:33 PM
Oh, right. It’s Essay-on-Foreign-Travel,-Replete-with-Chiches Ranker.
Re: a comment on Instruction by Dovina	26-Nov-06/6:23 AM
Oh gosh, it's just a conversation. Really, quit. :)
Re: a comment on Instruction by Dovina	26-Nov-06/6:22 AM
It would truly be a nerdy thing to post an essy here, on Derrida, or as Horus8, on life in general. But the place is so vacant, why not?
Re: Swollen Tongue by MacFrantic	25-Nov-06/7:49 PM
I thought it was 1,764. Yes, I'm sure of it. And you will sleep again.
Re: Sonnet 1 (Nevermore - The last sonnet) by Schlinkey	25-Nov-06/7:46 PM
The world of rhymes is not “naught but jumbled chance.” Poe would not have said so, nor would his raven, Nevermore. Only this poem would and is.
Re: a comment on Instruction by Dovina	25-Nov-06/7:40 PM
It's a paradox of tense and timing. Thanks for coming back. The place looks like a cleared-out warehouse, feeling like the city dump, where poems are brought for final burial. Surely you've got one to dump.
Re: a comment on Fifteen by Dovina	25-Nov-06/7:36 PM
and a tasty memory too
Re: Wish I was a better lover by Prince of Void	25-Nov-06/7:35 PM
Without my current glass of wine, I’d say you’re spouting nonsense. As it is, I could meet you for a drink or two in JJ’s dimlit bar, and know exactly what you mean. A lover, after is said, and after all that Stephen Robins says, is meeting over wine and seeing eye to eye.
Re: Disposal and Liberation by MacFrantic	24-Nov-06/9:39 AM
I've been there and had a similar thought. It's not badly stated.
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	24-Nov-06/9:30 AM
It has a nice rhythm and a wistful playfulness. "the world without a doubt, as she" could lose "as she" "love unfolds" "of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" seems off rhytrhm. "pines" for consistency. "skip to its tune" is off-grammar, but "skipping" would be off-rhythm.
Re: In sickness and in health by Schlinkey	20-Nov-06/5:01 PM
Pure and Vile must be their names. It seems the "sickness" theme should be developed, perhaps in relation to Vile.
Re: a comment on Fifteen by Dovina	20-Nov-06/4:55 PM
Maybe you have never sat on the limb of a pomegranate tree, picking the big red fruit, stripping away the skin and the inner membranes that separate ranks of berries. They are very good when the juice squirts into you mouth as you chew them, spitting seeds onto the ground. They might be good with gin, I don't know.
Re: a comment on Fifteen by Dovina	20-Nov-06/4:40 PM
the tree is a real pomogranate tree, big enough to climb in, sit on its limbs and eat pomogranates. The distant mountains can be seen while in the tree, their folds (ridges and canyans) turn wine-purple in the evening.
Re: Though I m lost, Love is not by Prince of Void	19-Nov-06/2:11 PM
Illusions are not so bad, even beat reality much of the time. Why imagine agonies?
Re: Improvisation by MacFrantic	19-Nov-06/2:08 PM
A splended path is not so bad, even a rcky path. Wh cares where it leads.
Re: a comment on Three Worlds by Dovina	14-Nov-06/4:37 PM
Just trying for a bit of levity in this most serious business. Recurring images - too poetic for left-brained woman I guess.