Re: a comment on untitled by MacFrantic	13-Dec-06/9:38 PM
ok, you're ahead, but I could have done that!
Re: Lost In It by PoeticXTC	13-Dec-06/9:38 PM
Way too non-directional and unclear. I think you need definite statements, not wishy-washy expressions.
Re: despaired old age by mystic enoch	13-Dec-06/9:35 PM
The usual sequence is spring then summer, so I began intrigued by the switch. But then you mention autumn in its traditional old-age meaning, and winter coming, which totally confuses me, because I thought you would say something besides the worn-out aging/seasons thing. "Longing for the next" could be made into a "spring" metaphor, but I find only "eyes cast downward." Clarity seems lost here.
Re: a comment on untitled by MacFrantic	10-Dec-06/8:20 PM
MacFrantic has 188. Care to say who else you are?
Re: The blankness of his life by Nicholas Jones	10-Dec-06/5:13 PM
I find it more funny than dark.
Re: Cloche. by howl	10-Dec-06/5:11 PM
No period after "closed." Comma after "fire." Heck with it, all punctuation can go. "Like is done in the dumps" -> "as in the dumps" or somesuch.
Re: From pains inside by Prince of Void	10-Dec-06/5:06 PM
Well, I will say that you do not comment enough. If you want to keep posting these true-to-your-name "void" poems, then go ahead. But when you post without commenting on the other poems, I have to think you are selfish, that you want only to receive, with no inclination to reciprocate. That is truly void.
Re: untitled by MacFrantic	10-Dec-06/4:58 PM
Wow, you write a lot of poems! Are you trying to surpass me in poems posted? Lots of luck there, fella. My fear, however, is that you could be younger, and could win fifty years from now. All right, here’s the bitter ode from a woman’s tongue: You comment too little! Your comments are fewer than comments received, and this is not only bad etiquette, it’s contrary to the ode “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” So, get into the process – dialog, debate, comment. You’ll become a better poet. As for this poem, it’s pretty good. One of you better posts.
Re: a comment on Self Portrait by Dovina	10-Dec-06/4:41 PM
Yep. A clay model or a painted likeness can’t match the original. It’s only art. But wow, can it ever knock your socks off.
Re: a comment on Self Portrait by Dovina	10-Dec-06/4:38 PM
Knowing you like to scoot around references to God, and realizing your acceptance for those of us who don’t, I appreciate this comment, and realize further that it probably has little to do with God, but rather with words. Thanks.
Re: Particle Deceleration by MacFrantic	9-Dec-06/6:23 AM
The last two lines seem unsupported by the rest. I think "doom" is too telling; we get the point without it. Otherwise good.
Re: The life of a clerk by Schlinkey	9-Dec-06/6:18 AM
"but 'ware" could be "beware" I think. Some repetition of ideas and a few too many words, like "always" in Line 2. "Fear not the scarecrow" is good.
Re: Milkman's Eyes by oneglove	5-Dec-06/9:42 AM
I bet it's a moving song. I hear a guitar played to a folky or country tune. It's hard to comment on a song without hearing the music, but this be good.
Re: Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) by Schlinkey	2-Dec-06/10:16 AM
You have the pentameter consistent this time. And it has the feel of old-time sonnets. But, again I find it constrained to the meter, and this time to the loss of meaning. For example, "perfect" adds little to "innocece" besides pentameter and overstatement. And "Deluge" has the accent on "uge." I could do no better with it, however, and think the best solution might be to give up on pentameter or on sonnet. Sorry, I have little respect for the form, and that's part of the problem.
Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	1-Dec-06/8:07 PM
Sonnets don't have to be pentameter, not in modern circles anyway. But when you start that way and switch to four iambs in the last two lines, it sounds like a switch of gears. Also, in Line 3, scornful and grim are so similar that it sounds like one of them was added for pentameter's sake.
Re: sleep by nentwined	30-Nov-06/9:16 PM
good point
Re: Wretch by MacFrantic	28-Nov-06/8:47 PM
Pretty neat, making all the lines of the same number of characters. And it has a good point to boot. Nice.
Re: a comment on Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	28-Nov-06/9:32 AM
What the loom needs now is love, sweet love.
Re: a comment on Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey	28-Nov-06/9:31 AM
I prefer it as one syllable. It rings better that way, no?
Re: a comment on Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey	27-Nov-06/7:48 PM
And AS this QUARREL now ENDS, my TEARS shall RUN