| Re: Coffee Incorrectly by gregsamsa222 |
5-Aug-05/1:49 PM |
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I like this, but have trouble with the adverb following the noun in the title and in the theme.
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| Re: Ain,t Life Fuckin Great,(part2 The Stone Man) by Bethy |
5-Aug-05/1:46 PM |
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A sad sentiment. It would be nice if the rhyming structure of the first verse could be continued in all verses, but it's better not to force it.
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| Re: War by zodiac |
3-Aug-05/7:53 AM |
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Lives saved for some use which you can't understand and despise as useless. Why call her Girlie, as if she has only flippant wants?
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| Re: a comment on After He Left by Dovina |
3-Aug-05/7:44 AM |
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Thanks for the spelling catch. As writers, I think many of us have this fantasy. Thanks.
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| Re: a comment on After He Left by Dovina |
3-Aug-05/7:42 AM |
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I'll change remain to remained. Thanks.
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| Re: Floss by jauser |
2-Aug-05/8:16 AM |
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Figure out what you want to say. Then say exactly that.
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| Re: SO LONG MY BELOVED by prettyktm |
2-Aug-05/8:14 AM |
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Spelling errors abound, but mostly you need to refine what you want to say.
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| Re: Forgiveness by Niphredil |
2-Aug-05/8:12 AM |
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Strange how an act done in seeming rightness turns sour. Most people never forgive. They either go on pretending or they leave.
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| Re: a comment on Observation of a stupéfait by Dental Panic |
2-Aug-05/8:02 AM |
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The periods seem needed because you use some periods.
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| Re: writers block by Jesus' Pedometer |
2-Aug-05/7:59 AM |
"To wonder of my pedigree"??? Have you nothing more worth wondering about?
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| Re: Thoughts by drnick |
1-Aug-05/8:50 AM |
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The first verse is good; I hoped you would develop that theme. Instead, you contrqdict yourself.
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| Re: Intersection by D. $ Fontera |
1-Aug-05/8:45 AM |
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If we all followed your advice in the first verse, we'd do better. Good;
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| Re: she sits back and judges me by hendrimike |
1-Aug-05/8:41 AM |
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| Re: Observation of a stupéfait by Dental Panic |
1-Aug-05/8:39 AM |
Some inconsistencies in punctuation:
leaves'
spoke.
rustling.
But what are you saying?
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| Re: You, the Line, and I by MacFrantic |
1-Aug-05/8:34 AM |
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I hate these lines beween us, but see them too. The other line could be death, but could be the anti-line. I hope so.
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| Re: Weariness by Niphredil |
30-Jul-05/10:20 PM |
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Like sleeping beneath a volcano.
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| Re: a love not meant to be by nentwined |
28-Jul-05/7:02 AM |
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Why must such a love be not meant? Or not workable? "combed together" seems odd for liquid and concrete.
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| Re: a comment on A Good Man Ruined by Dovina |
28-Jul-05/6:53 AM |
I did not write it for my own damn self. I wrote for anybody able to think this way, healthy or not.
He knew it was his fault after realizing his ability to do good engineering depended on the framework of his company, and not solely on his own genius. If you think that's an unhealthy realization, then I pity you.
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| Re: a comment on Worth by Dovina |
28-Jul-05/6:48 AM |
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A European keyboard is to blame. A need for feedback on such trivialities is not.
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| Re: Internet Junkie by cuddlytiger17 |
27-Jul-05/6:26 AM |
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Please, don`t devalue my life!
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