Re: Plato by not_a_philosopher	28-Mar-05/7:13 AM
Plato has some very worthwhile things to say. Try reading him when you're older.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Mar-05/11:12 AM
Funny story. The last verse, however, ceases to be story, and is properly categorized as “Telling” for which you must be chastised.
Re: id by FreeFormFixation	28-Mar-05/4:59 PM
You've got a good idea for a poem here, but it appears following too closely to the truth of the event. To tell the truth, you have to lie sometimes. To relate a thing, you have to change it.
Re: How to treat young ladies by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	29-Mar-05/10:55 AM
Your title is a misleading welcome mat to young men wishing to learn the gentlemanly arts. Instead of the promised guidance, you relate vile acts of uncouth pseudo-gentlemen, lending no redeeming importance to the telling, such as recommending their castration. May I suggest a rewrite along the lines of flowers, opened doors, candles, and soft, respectful words.
Re: Spanish Woman by James Rykelangeli	2-Apr-05/8:18 AM
How about: past the world, and whispers,
Re: Poem on a face by INTRANSIT	4-Apr-05/8:30 AM
A nice mix of physical and verbal ugliness. It seems the last line might keep some of that.
Re: The Invitation by Billy Fights	4-Apr-05/8:43 AM
If only she'd read it, she's swoon.
Re: Lost by skye	5-Apr-05/11:24 AM
I've seen her, can feel her paranoia. Welcome to poemranker.
Re: Three words and thirty coins by Caducus	5-Apr-05/11:30 AM
This is all very confusing.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Apr-05/8:49 AM
The one still alive when the last arguement is posted wins.
Re: Celestial Veil by Hadasl	6-Apr-05/8:53 AM
The rebuttal has usually been, “That’s why He made humans.”
Re: Golden Sands by Hadasl	6-Apr-05/8:58 AM
Too etherial, I think, to make the jump from earthly sand to heavenly sand without some transition. Nice thought though.
Re: Arab Shepherd (a belief poem for Dovina) by zodiac	6-Apr-05/9:21 AM
I don’t know why you add to a good title, the phrase, “a belief poem for Dovina” unless your firmly standing shepherd reminds you of firm belief, and I either do not, or do, or also write about belief. In any case, it flows well, but I think you sacrifice too much clarity for form. Introducing the old English “’twas” so late in the poem, for example, and not using old English again, shows a strong desire to maintain meter. And that whole sentence is cumbersome. Shouldn’t “love” be “Love,” as a name?
Re: No Worries by Dovina	7-Apr-05/12:20 PM
May I suggest that this page has become tangled with long threads entwining of comments. If anyone wishes to continue any of these discussions, perhaps they should do so on one my other poems.
Re: Front Range Toll Road by sliver	7-Apr-05/12:26 PM
You are at your best when you do the buffalo and asphalt. When you do the political "without delay" just to rhyme with "play," well, stick with the buffalo.
Re: ceiling by not_a_philosopher	7-Apr-05/12:29 PM
The last verse doesn't fit - it would have to deal with shame to fit. then -> than.
Re: March by the_poetess	7-Apr-05/12:31 PM
Nobodies are sad. You probably didn't mean that, but it's good.
Re: famous by crooked_smile	7-Apr-05/12:33 PM
and a hell of a time trying to decipher your words. You have too many of them here and no very well put together.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Apr-05/12:37 PM
You've got some good thoughts here and a few good lines: "Seeing memories of sight" "For the fear it redeems" Wish it were all that good.
Re: Ambition by Billy Fights	7-Apr-05/12:40 PM
No very well put together, not clear, chiches, and the repetition doesn't help.