poemranker ::How to treat young ladies by Fraser Allonby Q.C.

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Free verse № 122588

How to treat young ladies

by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w

Member since 2003 · Posted 29 Mar 2005 · 7 comments

All gentlemen know how to treat The lady who is young and sweet: Sir Donald "Bertie" Philmore-Shyttes Kicks them violently in the tits; And Enderby "Topper" Smithers-Mopps Spanks them hard with riding crops; While Farquarson of Cuntly-Chapps Prefers to punch them in the flaps.

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mean 7.14 weighted 5.58 rank 2384 views 324 View voting details →

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7 comments

[10] Stephen Robins 29-Mar-05/6:30 AM Reply
Not forgetting Cholmondeley-Belvoir,
Who smites them with his golden retriever;
Or that Cad, Hesketh-Horace,
who prefers to bite of their clitoris.
[n/a] Dovina 29-Mar-05/10:55 AM Reply
Your title is a misleading welcome mat to young men wishing to learn the gentlemanly arts. Instead of the promised guidance, you relate vile acts of uncouth pseudo-gentlemen, lending no redeeming importance to the telling, such as recommending their castration. May I suggest a rewrite along the lines of flowers, opened doors, candles, and soft, respectful words.
[10] zodiac › Dovina 29-Mar-05/10:14 PM Reply
That's funny, considering the title is taken almost word-for-word from the poem, while your titles are unfailingly wooshes of babble.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Dovina 2-Apr-05/8:31 AM Reply
You always do this. Whenever an ironic poeme/comment is posted, you automatically reply explaining the blatant irony to everyone as if they weren't already aware. YES. THIS POEME ISN'T REALLY HOW YOU SHOULD TREAT YOUNG LADIES. THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT. WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THAT?
[n/a] Dovina › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2-Apr-05/8:37 AM Reply
I thought I was funny, you didn't.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 29-Mar-05/12:57 PM Reply
Baron Bumforth's "Brownford Hammer"
Makes him a truly first-class rammer.
Earl Cliveby, on the other hand,
Simply slaps them with his gland.
[10] Hallmark 18-May-05/3:28 PM Reply
Fraser Allonby Q.C.
can get no flange just arse d'you see
yet being a poor unfortunate sort
his bournville bar was made too short
there's scarcely enough to tickle the rim
Of any Gaylord's manly quim