| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Poemranker I Couldn't stay Away (Ode) by Tara57 (I want to compose a poem
and I want you all to rip it apart
claw it into small pieces so you may swallow down
without choking
I have missed your dissatisfied attacks
all other poetry websites are kitschy and bland)
Welcome me back with your daggered words
welcome me back into this dark elitists world
My fellow losers, rapists, homophobes, sexists, machiavellian masochists.
I come to you bearing spilt wine and ruined rhyme
all for you to undermine
all for you
But donât think I won't open my mouth
donât think I wonât scream out
My steps arenât wary this time
so come on you decide
Bring everything you got against my fitted frame
I will drink it down possessed in this game
Up the ladder:
Week End Justification
Down the ladder:
The Consultation
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.142857
Posted: November 4, 2004 12:30 PM PST; Last modified: November 4, 2004 12:30 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.576303 Overall Rank: 2394 Comments:
[0]
edpeterson @ 68.79.60.123
|
5-Nov-04/5:09 AM
|
Reply
i can hear the crickets chirping. listen. can you hear it too?
[n/a]
Tara57 @ 195.113.0.8
> edpeterson
|
5-Nov-04/7:26 AM
|
Reply
I do I do
elitists needs an apostrophe.
split wine? There's your daggered words.
True story: This retard boy in our neighborhood followed my wife home from work last week and, right as she got to the house, abruptly tried to fist her through the seat of her pants. Naturally, we called our jaha, which called their jaha, and everybody had to go out to the police office the next day for a nice little sitdown together. Inappropriate attempted fisting is, by the way, a high crime here. The sick part is that even in the police station, confronted with something like 15 years in prison and the ruination of his, his family's, and all descendants of his family's reputation into eternity, he SERIOUSLY couldn't stop himself from staring kind of blankly and freakishly at my wife. His father, too. The police started to knock them around a little, you know, scare them some, and they were crying and apologizing and STILL staring at her. That's kind of weird, huh?
no more weird I suppose then your wife staring back, right my wise friend?
Hey, snappy comeback! And in only nine minutes! Guess you showed me!!
PS-Your poem is chock-full of grammatickal and other errors. PPS-Oh God! I'm doing it again...
Don't say comeback, comeback sounds pugnacious.
I was simply replying to your story with an added tid-bit of my own don't be so irritable my dear. P.S I still don't care PPS.I would expect nothing less from you.
You still don't get it. Listen, I'm going to make this really simple:
The grammatical mistakes, logical mistakes, non-tracking metaphors, overabundant cliche, and the frankly kind of boring sensitive self-obsession in your poems makes them - your poems - susceptible to criticism. That's only right, and what we're here for. Your failure to do anything about them except feel hurt and misunderstood and snippy makes you - the poet, Tara57 - susceptible to criticism. That, too, is justified. Saying "Your poem is chock-full of grammatickal and other errors" is not an attack on you, Tara57. It's a criticism of your poem, which - well, IS full of them, like "I will drink it down possessed in this game". Saying, "You've been told dozens of times that you should pay attention to grammar on this site, and you've only gone snippy and bitter about it when anybody with a smidgen of sense would have tried to work on it and maybe improve a little" IS an attack on your person. But IT'S TOTALLY JUSTIFIED by the fact that you responded to the aboveposted criticism of your poem like a total dunce and whiny baby. IT's NOTHING AT ALL LIKE suggesting that my wife is "a sick Islam-baiting skankwhore," or whatever you said. So just stop, okay? Don't act like we're being unreasonable, like we've got some wack-ass vendetta against you, Tara57, or anything that moves on this site. If you're going to insist on thinking that way, after my patient explanation, I'm afraid I'll have no choice but to believe you're one of the dimmest people I've ever met. Please? Just think about it? I want us to be friends, Tara. Really. Thanks for your time, Concerned in Islamica.
-Zodiac either you are completely misunderstanding me or I am not making myself clear.
I was in no way being defensive to your remarks about my poem. If anything I was trying to take your very abrasive response to my first comment and lighten it. What I meant by I still don't care, is that I understand that I have grammatical errors in my poetry but the way you have attacked me for them in the past has made me less want to improve and more want to ignore you. Not for your criticism which was justified, but for your character. However, that is in the past now. I was bringing back or old argument about grammar in poetry when I said I still don't care. Just to refresh your memory I had said that I felt a certain freedom with poetry where I don't have to be confined to the technical rules of the English language. You of course heavily disagreed and that was our little argument. Of course I will take your criticism into consideration...I in NO way feel that my poetry is above being criticized. I do believe that your strange misinterpretations of my comments however, are where the problem lies. I never made any hints to your wife being a "a sick Islam-baiting skankwhore. Where you picked that up from I don't have any idea. In my replies to you I was not defending myself in anyway I was trying to turn the mood from your angry, defensive, and blatantly hurt response to a more peaceful one. I was not being sarcastic if that is what you thought. I never had intentions of fighting with you zodiac. Or speaking badly of Islamic Women. Once again you have been oversensitive and did not understand the tone of my responses to you. I am sorry you felt I was defending myself or attacking you. I was doing neither. So will you accept this and may we move on.....Or shall we be destined to run around in circles until we both run into walls?
Is your wife one of those "women"?
No, she's American.
Wow, looks like you got hit by the harsher side of the ranker.
191 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
