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ceiling (Free verse) by not_a_philosopher If God is in the ceiling
and shame is on the floor,
then I would rather have my head
in the clouds all day,
then waste time staring at two
shuffling feet.
Up the ladder:
Beneath The Undertow
Down the ladder:
The Natural Course of Fear
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Posted: April 6, 2005 9:46 AM PDT; Last modified: April 6, 2005 9:46 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0596013 Overall Rank: 6778 Comments:
[6]
Dovina @ 12.72.8.237
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7-Apr-05/12:29 PM
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Reply
The last verse doesn't fit - it would have to deal with shame to fit. then -> than.
The last two lines, start off okay(timing wise, writing wise they are a horrid trainwreck), but notice. In the other two pairs of lines, (and;in). Filler words, to spread your timing out better.
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