| Re: What is it about brothers? by Tara57 |
19-Jan-06/9:51 AM |
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Overwritten. Try staying a little closer to reality.
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| Re: The Deep End by drnick |
18-Jan-06/11:11 AM |
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I love following someone whom I trust into danger. For better or worse, til death . . .etc. You've caught this well. Leave out "in" in Line 1.
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| Re: Pain, I Curse Thee by woodstock20000 |
18-Jan-06/11:13 AM |
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I think you should tell us what kind of pain you are talking about.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Jan-06/11:16 AM |
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Yes I feel this, and agree she's a discredit to the gender. Nice.
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| Re: A flightless deer by Enkidu |
18-Jan-06/11:27 AM |
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The repeats add little, I think. The idea is good, but needs refinement.
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| Re: The funeral and the table by Caducus |
18-Jan-06/11:33 AM |
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"Vicar rejoicing from the sound of his voice" is great, but "in" seems better. "Choking hypocrit" is telling us what has already been better shown.
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| Re: Heirophant by cyan9 |
18-Jan-06/11:36 AM |
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How about "statuary" instead of "stationary" to give an added meaning?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jan-06/8:16 PM |
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Do you mean "snowflake"? I like leaflorn. I think the semicolons can go.
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| Re: They Knew Me From Adam by D. $ Fontera |
15-Jan-06/8:18 PM |
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When you use a twist on a cliche in your title, I expect to find some allusion to the cliche in the poem. I like the third verse.
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| Re: Reap by ecargo |
16-Jan-06/6:10 AM |
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I see a rural harvest time in a hollow, but miss the point, if it's more than that.
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| Re: Green things by ecargo |
16-Jan-06/6:24 AM |
I'd rather you did not delete the comments when you make a revision. If you make a major revision, like this one, it seems better to post it as a new poem.
Better than the first.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Jan-06/11:18 AM |
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Very nice. I haven't seen a rabbit-snare in a long time - cruel devices they are. Mate-less could be mateless, I think. Not sure I get the copper part or the wire, when twine was used before - maybe they were caught in a wire fence.
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| Re: The Epitaph by vulcan |
17-Jan-06/11:23 AM |
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The first three lines don't quite make sense. As it progresses, it gets better.
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| Re: Racism 4 by Dovina |
17-Jan-06/2:31 PM |
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| Re: Where the Hell Did I Put My Glasses? by Joe-joe |
17-Jan-06/1:07 PM |
Fastened to a desk
in an old unused trailer
a pen and paper cup
read like memoirs,
bound there by concoction
of sugar and ten-year-old coffee.
Written by unsteady hands
on an old keyboard,
and rummaged files for lost reports,
thumbed frantically the company phone listing -
hands that no longer toil for an annual wage
but steadily hold the daily tabloid at arms length.
just a suggestion.
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| Re: A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta |
17-Jan-06/5:39 PM |
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Amanda, I hate being the referee who calls an unpopular foul, but thatâs how I feel. You have posted a poem, written in a time of sorrow, that you say you do not intend to edit and which you admit needs editing. I take the poem as heartfelt sentiment for a wonderful grandmother, and for that it is a good poem. But I think the âfoulâ comes when you post it on a site for voting and commenting, because there is little a commenter can say without sounding unsympathetic, and to vote low is show lack of sympathy for your feelings or lack of appreciation for your grandmother. Hope you understand.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Jan-06/11:18 AM |
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I don't like this kind of poem, but must admit you've done it well.
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| Re: A comedian at nearly midnight by MacFrantic |
18-Jan-06/11:20 AM |
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Good story, put the presentation needs work.
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| Re: Is Dying Ugly? by D. $ Fontera |
18-Jan-06/11:22 AM |
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The concluding lines don't make sense.
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| Re: a week off by hendrimike |
19-Jan-06/9:49 AM |
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"footprints left for years to come" enigmatically true.
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