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What is it about brothers? (Free verse) by Tara57
Brothers I know it is in your blood, deep soaked a seedling of competition I know the bitter voices of Cain and Abel speak down somewhere in the dank place of your stomach I know it has followed with you through blood vessels and scroll. I know I don’t care You listen to me now Your large hands won’t be protection enough over your ears I’m screaming from somewhere deep soaked IN MY BLOOD. My legs trembling with the weight of my voice, my fingers twitching with the want of strangling my eyes tremendous and wild with rage and I am growing larger with it, so you shall Sit down both of you, put down your idiotic daggers and cheesy armor I’m tired of your strutting around You listen to me now I have eaten your manliness like a home baked pie, have un-birthed the betrayals of your great uncles And swept away your childlike jealously Brothers, Look how Your facial hair grows the same The pattern in your hands Your rowdy curling hair, the sound of your voice reading out loud, Look how they are the same Brothers, Remember how you shared the same winter boots, you once called the same place home, you sat naked in bathwater laughing and hugging skin on skin long before you wanted to ripe each others skin off The time for warring is over. I have called it a draw I have done this for I am Mother, sister Daughter, niece Wife, lover And the superior of your silly sex, and because I need you brothers, fathers, husbands, uncles and will not choose between you. Listen to me now.

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6
Weighted score: 5.0715218
Overall Rank: 6602
Posted: January 18, 2006 5:40 PM PST; Last modified: January 18, 2006 5:40 PM PST
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Comments:
[5] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 19-Jan-06/9:51 AM | Reply
Overwritten. Try staying a little closer to reality.
[7] zodiac @ 209.193.14.236 | 19-Jan-06/2:26 PM | Reply
After my little sister attempted suicide, a counselor told her it was all my brothers' and my fault. Now she lives with my mom and collects Middle America postcards with nothing written on them. I can't tell her anything, so I just send postcards.
[8] ecargo @ 167.219.0.142 > zodiac | 19-Jan-06/2:38 PM | Reply
How Salingeresque. (JD, not Pierre. But you knew that.)
[7] zodiac @ 209.193.14.236 > ecargo | 19-Jan-06/2:39 PM | Reply
I think it's the most poignant thing I've written lately.
[8] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 19-Jan-06/2:51 PM | Reply
Careful now, you'll scare her away for another year.
[8] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 20-Jan-06/2:26 PM | Reply
This is one reason why I chose not to study psychology.
[8] ecargo @ 167.219.0.143 | 19-Jan-06/2:45 PM | Reply
Disagree that this is overwrought (well, some lines are, but for the most part I don't think it is)--the words are simple and the emotion strongly conveyed. Some problems with the ending--it starts to fall apart with all the fathersistermotherlovers and the repetition of "listen to me now," but the bulk of it is pretty well done. The Cain and Abel ref is a little too obvious (for my taste)--think it'd be better implied. The concrete homey details--sharing baths, etc., give the larger themes a face, which works nicely. Some editing would make it even better.
[8] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 20-Jan-06/2:24 PM | Reply
I have no brothers but two sisters. It pretty much works the same way with them. Go figure.
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