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Go now if you want it. (Free verse) by Fayt An otherworld awaits you
Don't you give up on it
You bite the hand that feeds you.
All alone in cold fields you wander
Memories of it cloud your sight
Fills your dreams, disturbs your slumber
Lost your way ... a fallen knight.
Hold your aim steady
An otherworld awaits you
One thousand years ... you ready ?
The otherworld it takes you.
Go on into the sand and the dust in the sky
Go now no better plan than to do or to die
Free me, pray to the faith in the face of the light
Feed me, fill me with sin and get ready to fight.
Hope dies and you wander
The otherworld it makes you
Dreams they rip asunder
The otherworld it hates you
Free now ... ride up on it
Up to the heights it takes you
Go on if you want it
An otherworld awaits you.
Up the ladder:
May Monday Explanation
Down the ladder:
irrelevant irresponsibility
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6
Posted: November 12, 2004 12:35 PM PST; Last modified: May 6, 2005 11:26 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0715218 Overall Rank: 6600 Comments:
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And again, I dislike those capitals all throughout quite a lot...
Sorry,'Fate'is what I mean
What words do u suggest?
I have no improvements in mind, it's just that I have learned that when you use a word or a conception, a notion more than once, it's better to look for synonyms. Now here the repetition of 'otherland' is functional, don't change those lines, but in your other poem the many 'darknesses' irred me. An alternative? Hm, er, well, er, 'Blackness'? 'Nothingness'? 'That place where they shot the moon and the stars out of the sky'?...
I personally like the focus on one word, but, i can see it might be a good idea to take focus off a particular word.