poemranker ::Go now if you want it. by Fayt

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 115519

Go now if you want it.

by Fayt

Member since 2004 · Posted 12 Nov 2004 · Edited 6 May 2005 · 7 comments

An otherworld awaits you Don't you give up on it You bite the hand that feeds you. All alone in cold fields you wander Memories of it cloud your sight Fills your dreams, disturbs your slumber Lost your way ... a fallen knight. Hold your aim steady An otherworld awaits you One thousand years ... you ready ? The otherworld it takes you. Go on into the sand and the dust in the sky Go now no better plan than to do or to die Free me, pray to the faith in the face of the light Feed me, fill me with sin and get ready to fight. Hope dies and you wander The otherworld it makes you Dreams they rip asunder The otherworld it hates you Free now ... ride up on it Up to the heights it takes you Go on if you want it An otherworld awaits you.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.60 weighted 5.07 rank 6584 views 264 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

7 comments

[6] Dovina 7-May-05/6:55 AM Reply
"Faith in the face of light" is the basis of all such hocus-pocus. I hope you mean this as satire.
[n/a] deleted user › Dovina 8-May-05/4:34 PM Reply
What I regret in your poems (which get high ratings, I saw) is your 'hang-up' on certain themes: 'faith', 'darkness', 'otherworld'. It's like you are afraid we won't grasp that the poem is about Faith, Darkness or the Otherworld. Your gothics (and basically any kind of poem) would be enhanced if you sought alternatives to these words.
And again, I dislike those capitals all throughout quite a lot...
[n/a] deleted user › deleted user 8-May-05/4:36 PM Reply
Faith

Sorry,'Fate'is what I mean
[n/a] Fayt › deleted user 10-May-05/9:53 AM Reply
what improvements do u have in mind?

What words do u suggest?
[n/a] deleted user › Fayt 10-May-05/2:31 PM Reply

I have no improvements in mind, it's just that I have learned that when you use a word or a conception, a notion more than once, it's better to look for synonyms. Now here the repetition of 'otherland' is functional, don't change those lines, but in your other poem the many 'darknesses' irred me. An alternative? Hm, er, well, er, 'Blackness'? 'Nothingness'? 'That place where they shot the moon and the stars out of the sky'?...
[n/a] deleted user › deleted user 10-May-05/2:32 PM Reply
...me and my big mouth...
[n/a] Fayt › deleted user 11-May-05/3:49 AM Reply
lol, but yeah i can see what you are saying with my other poem.

I personally like the focus on one word, but, i can see it might be a good idea to take focus off a particular word.