Re: Spinning, reeling by ecargo	19-Jan-06/1:43 PM
Rant on. This war is getting tedious and almost ridiculous even for we who supported it in the beginning.
Re: Topper Fey by ALChemy	19-Jan-06/2:58 PM
Nicely done, and with such a good rhythm that the few lines that break cadence really stand out.
Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s	19-Jan-06/3:12 PM
Do you mean Frederick Illinois?
Re: "By your side" by jontod	19-Jan-06/5:45 PM
"broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." A good take on this. A prose poem, not free verse.
Re: Everything is Nothing by Donne With Life	20-Jan-06/1:56 PM
How much is infinity minus infinity? How about infinity minus 1?
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jan-06/2:01 PM
I'm thinking of the La Brea Tar Pits, but nothing more. There seems to be a lot of nothing going on.
Re: Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo	20-Jan-06/3:16 PM
Where's she been. I miss getting slapped around.
Re: A Schizophrenic by amanda_dcosta	23-Jan-06/10:34 AM
Sorry for my comment on your last one. I see now that you do want critique, and so I’ll give it. First, the basics: “unkept” should be “unkempt” I think, just to be traditional. And “labeled” should be “labeled.” Now for the gritty: “Mood, not his best, he lives his life, a real test” How does living his life as a test relate to his current mood? Maybe you did it like that just for the rhyme and to sound poetic. That's a blunt conclusion, and I'll retract if you show me how the sentence says something important. The following sentence, “Alas . . .” is a little sermon that could be better shown. (Actually, the last three verses are a sermon, and that’s not bad, except that I think giving more reasons for your conclusions would make them more palatable.) The next sentence, “He’s crying . . .” is better, but “want” should be “wants.”
Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	23-Jan-06/10:44 AM
I suppose there’s no spell checkers in truck stops, so I’ll forgive “traveling” “hsitory's” “idiosyncracies” “schtick” and “Sechuan.” The funky spacing is a little harder.
Re: When God is Needed No More by ALChemy	23-Jan-06/2:15 PM
Recently, you told me you were happy that a new poem I had posted was not about God. Had to chuckle. This has a nice rhythm at the start, which seems to crumble a bit toward the end. A climax comes at, "Could we not then go on godless?" Of course I could say you are preaching, not showing, but I like preaching sometimes, and this is not too preachy. I understand "Surely such reward’s deserved" to mean "reward is" but "surely He deserves reward" sounds better to me. "For it is in God’s plan" seems like it needs "good" or something before "plan" for rhythm's sake. "and to send forth his good children" seems bland, I dunno. Try "some" in "Nor dream truth of any hereafter" instead of "any." The lone period after "best" seems awkward, it's the only one; likewise the comma after "wisdom." "that sees"? - try "who sees".
Re: My Hand of god by drnick	23-Jan-06/2:23 PM
This is really good, and vindicates the one who I thought might be a psycho in your last poem. I especially like Verse 2 because it conveys in a very subtle way something I've heard said in very preachy texts and to less effect.
Re: On Golden Bond by jmalone	23-Jan-06/2:35 PM
The first two lines of Verse 2 are good, but I don't understand the last two.
Re: Temporary moments by Prince of Void	23-Jan-06/2:48 PM
I like the start of this, but it degrades as it goes on. Let me do a little alchemy: Deep inside the grieves of moments On early morning light of dawn Breaking upon the waves of sea Deep within the dream of me The path that led to show What time can sometimes bring That led to ruin and Empty moments flowing over past Rising, falling dying in me All this time I had what I couldn't see Beyond my senses, what I grieve Was to know why you are gone All l loved was you Still you … All this time what I have done... Was to draw you back again Waiting thorough a million tears This ocean of time can be something If only to see me now
Re: Untitled by frahj	23-Jan-06/4:30 PM
Raise the seat please, then lower it when finished. Thank you.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Jan-06/4:38 PM
Nice ending. I'd call it a prose poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Jan-06/6:31 PM
When one line ends without a pause and continues into the next line for its meaning, I have no problem. But when a verse ends without a pause and continues into the next verse for its meaning, rather than being end-stopped at the end of the verse, I find it cumbersome and distracting, especially when the lines are as long as they are in this poem. Since it is almost a prose poem, and seems therefore more bound to the rules of paragraphs, I’d suggest end-stopped verses. Otherwise good.
Re: A moment, homeward by ecargo	23-Jan-06/6:39 PM
A frosty feel to it in two ways.
Re: Rain by dancin_n_da_moonlite	24-Jan-06/11:23 AM
I wish you would not recycle all of your poems in one day. Give us a break!
Re: The True Fate of Humpty Dumpty by Joe-joe	25-Jan-06/10:35 AM
I find it funny. Too many words though, agreeing with ecargo. Starting with "there" seems better as "a sill hides neatly." "it's" is its, a common mistake. A story poem like this is better said with verbs simply used in simple sentences, and I think with minor changes you can do this.
Re: Unfortunate Lover by elderking	25-Jan-06/10:41 AM
Yes, I feel it. I feel your part, or the part of your old man in the poem. "your arrival came too late" could be just "you came too late" I think. I love when I feel a poet knows what he's portraying, and I love this.